So Let Yourself Down Tonight
by ohhai
Summary: Near feels trapped with Mello as the only one he knows in this strange country, so he puts up with his abuse. That is until he starts having an affair with Matt. Can Near break free from Mello's grasp? Yaoi, MelloxNear, MattxNear, slight OOC.
1. A Single Drop of Blood

A/N: This is just a random idea I came up with. It's not a particularly original idea, but I started writing it and I liked how it was coming out. So I'm going to keep it going. I tried to keep them in character as much as possible, considering this does not involve the original Death Note story at all. Enjoy and please review! I have like hardly any reviews for any of my stories! Thx.  
Oh, and naturally I don't own Death Note. But I love to borrow the characters and make them do naughty things to each other. ^_^

So Let Yourself Down Tonight.

Chapter 1: A single drop of blood.

"Ouch! Shit!"

The clattering of glass breaking punctured the din of white noise from the faucet. Near tried to grab the glass as it slipped out of his hands, shattering against the countertop. Near held his hand over the sink trying to examine the deep gash in the palm of his hand. A single drop of blood fell into the water below, creating an ominous red cloud. He winced in pain as he picked a splinter of glass from his wound, which only caused the blood to flow quicker. He squeezed his wrist, an impromptu attempt to slow the bleeding. His shoulders tensed at the voice calling from the next room.

"Fucking hell Near, can't you even wash dishes without screwing something up?"

"I think I hurt myself pretty good Mello." Near said, turning his head to project his voice from the room.

After an alarming delay, the blonde appeared in the doorway, swaggering to the sink unconcernedly. He grabbed Near's wrist forcibly.

"It's not that bad." He said, releasing Near before turning away.

"Mello, this is pretty bad, I think I may need stitches."

"Hrmph. Well, then you can bloody pay for them yourself." Mello sneered while staring to walk away.

"Mello, I didn't ask you to drag me to a country where you need to take out a line of credit if you happen to cut yourself."

Mello stared at Near intently.

"Well don't forget if I didn't drag you here, where would you be right now?"

Near had nothing to say. He knew Mello was right. He always was right, even when he was wrong. Near knew that if he stayed in their small english town, that he'd be known as nothing other than the town fag, nothing else he would have done, none of his accomplishments would have mattered.

"_When we graduate from this shithole, we're going to New York where we can be ourselves, __where nobody will look at us the wrong way. We'll go to school, and make something of ourselves."_

That plan didn't exactly work out the way Mello had wanted. Mello had landed a decent job working at the container yard unloading cargo ships, but it was barely enough money to support them and their crappy Brooklyn apartment. The stressfulness of the job had gotten to him also, making him often downright unpleasant to deal with. Moreso than usual.

"Give me your hand," Mello said, grabbing a dish towel. Near extended his bloodied hand. Mello wrapped the towel around his hand several times, tying it in a tight knot. Near winced in pain, wishing he would be a little more gentle, "The bleeding should stop soon."

"If it doesn't I'm going to go to the free clinic."

"Hahah.... Good luck with that." Mello said, starting to walk away again, satisfied he had the upper hand.

"I think I'm going to look for a job too." Near said.

Mello exhaled exasperatedly, turning to face Near once again.

"You know, for someone who graduated at the top of their class, you're pretty fucking stupid." Mello said while pointing his finger menacingly. Near looked down at the ground anticipating the unavoidable defeat, "Where exactly are you going to work? You have no skills, you're not good with people, you're not good at physical labour, and on top of that you look daft. So tell me, who is going to hire you?"

Near stayed silent, continuing to look down at the ground. The blood was starting to seep through the towel, tinting it a pinkish red.

"Now I'm going out for a few drinks. Try not to think too much while I'm gone." Mello said, before putting on his coat and slamming the door behind him as he left.

Near sat down at the breakfast table in their kitchen and let the tears fall, knowing that everything Mello had said was true. He felt worthless, because he knew he was worthless. He silently thanked a god he didn't believe in for Mello, knowing that he didn't have anything without him.

Mello didn't return that night until 2 in the morning. Near felt him climb into the bed next to him. He reeked of alcohol. He waited until Mello was mostly asleep, something that didn't take long when he was like this, before cuddling up next to him carefully. Desperately, he rested his head on Mello's shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body against his own, allowing the rising and falling of his breaths to lull him to sleep.

The next day, Near had woken up to an empty bed. He glanced over at the clock.

_9:32 AM_

He must've slept through Mello getting up for work. He looked down and nearly yelped when he saw red. His shirt, his boxers, and the sheets were all spotted and smeared with blood. He checked his hand and found the towel wrapped around it saturated. Hoping he wouldn't be lightheaded when he stood up, he carefully rose to his feet and went to the bathroom, removing the bloodied towel from his hand. The wound had made no attempt at closing. He needed stitches and he needed them quickly before he lost any more blood. He gingerly dressed himself in his usual white linen button-up shirt and gray slacks, then re-dressed his hand as tightly as he could and headed for the door.

The clinic was approximately a 30 minute walk from their apartment. He would've taken a bus but he didn't have a metrocard, and didn't want to be bothered trying to find a store to sell one. It was a pretty pleasant October day though. Warm enough that he didn't even need a jacket. When he got there, the clinic was packed. Not much of a surprise for any place offering free medical services in a world where nothing is free. He registered at the front desk and sat down in the waiting room, trying not to let the constant sound of babies crying get to him.

Eventually his name was called and a rather pleasant doctor took a look at his hand and decided that it definitely needed to be closed up. He didn't waste much time as there were still another 20 people in the waiting room that still had yet to be looked at. Just a simple shot of novocaine to numb the area, and only 5 minutes later he was finished. The bleeding had finally stopped.

"Ok young man, next time you drop a glass, try not to catch it when it's already started to break." The doctor said, tousling Near's hair. He always found it both amusing and sometimes distressing how people still treated him as if he was a child, even though he was nearly 20 years old.

Near smiled weakly at the doctor's affection, before hopping up from the examination table and leaving the clinic. As he walked down the street, examining his stitches, he made a mental note of the grocery shopping he had to do while he was out. He noticed a grocery store one block ahead, and figured it to be a good idea to shop there instead of having to walk an additional 5 minutes past their apartment to do it where he normally does.

He walked inside the store and grabbed a hand-basket, throwing things inside as he roamed the aisles. He didn't have to buy much, but Mello was expecting dinner tonight and Near didn't want to hear it if he didn't have dinner ready by the time he had gotten home.

He was waiting in line at the check-out lane, his eyes scanning the various trashy tabloids that litter nearly all grocery stores, with headlines like "Britney Spears gives birth to alien child.", complete with a badly photoshopped picture. He hadn't even so much as looked up to the front of the line, but he didn't go unnoticed.

"Excuse me Sir. Would you like to continue scanning my items?" A shrill old woman said to the cashier.

The redheaded young man was fixated on something he saw at the back of the line. Someone he had never seen the likes of before. Startled back to the task at hand, he would have to wait until it was his turn.

"Sorry Maam." He said, as the beep of the scanner started once again.

Before long, it was Near's turn. He started unloading his basket onto the conveyor belt, and nearly dropped a dozen eggs when he locked eyes with the kid behind the counter.

_Oh my god he is gorgeous. _

Near examined the redhead while he talked to one of his coworkers, marveling at his handsome features, the warmth of his smile, the sexy huskiness of his voice. He was thin, but he looked strong, and with greenish eyes that could burn a hole through steel, and smooth kissable red lips, Near was almost too nervous to face him, too nervous to simply pay for his groceries and leave. Near caught sight of his name tag, which read 'Matt'. He made a mental note of it.

Matt finished his conversation and was startled himself as he turned around to see Near standing right in front of him, his eyes nervously shifting around. Matt hadn't said so much of a word to him, or even heard him speak yet, and he already knew he was looking at something special, something unique, and not one to waste the opportunity, spoke. His first attempt was to get this mysterious white-haired boy's name.

"Do you have a valued shopper card?" He asked, as he has done countless times to pretty much everyone that crosses his checkout lane.

"No I'm sorry I don't." Near replied, trying his best to appear natural, but ending up worse off.

Matt stopped what he was doing.

"I'm sorry could you say that again please?"

Near furrowed his brow in confusion, and looked up into Matt's eyes, leaving himself nearly breathless. He swallowed before continuing.

"I said I'm sorry, but I don't have a card."

Matt nearly fainted.

"You're British?"

Near nodded and watched as Matt looked upwards, a huge smile growing on his face. This situation was making Near quite nervous. This type of interaction, especially with someone who he finds incredibly attractive, was not something he expected. Not that he would have known how to prepare for such a thing.

"I'm sorry. I'm just a sucker for a British accent. Do you live around here or are you just visiting?"

"I live in Greenpoint."

"Oh wow that's far, what brings you all the way here?"

"Oh, I had to see the doctor. I kinda hurt myself." Near said, holding his bandaged hand up.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's just a few stitches."

Matt was running out of small talk. Normally he was quite bold, and it's gotten him pretty far, but he had enough of the game and was just going to flat out ask.

"So what's your name, interesting British boy." He asked, making Near turn all sorts of shades of purple, red and pink.

"N-Near."

"Did you say Near? That's unique. I like it! My name is Matt."

"I already knew, it's on your name tag."

_Yes! He was looking at my name tag! Nobody does that unless they're curious about the person wearing it._

"That will be $43.87, Near."

Near pulled his wallet from his pocket, and started counting the cash.

"Hang on one second. You made my day. I can do better than that." Matt said, looking over his shoulders dramatically. He punched some numbers into the keyboard, "$28.79. Employee discount."

"Wow... Thank you that was very generous. I hope you don't get into trouble." Near said, his heart ready to explode at this point.

Matt bent closer to Near and said in a low tone.

"It was worth it. Now go take care of that hand, and come back to buy more stuff! I'd like to see you again!"

"Um...Thanks!" Near said with feigned enthusiasm, because in reality he was nervous as hell. This Matt person was dynamic, charming, and damn cute. He knew he'd be back, and he knew it would be soon.

Near left the store, wondering what the fuck just happened, and started his journey home.

"Hey I'm going to take my break now." Matt called out to his manager.

He went to the back of the store near the loading dock and lit a cigarette. It was hopeless. He knew he wouldn't be able to get Near out of his head. His heart swelled at the image burned in his mind. He was beautiful. So beautiful it hurt to look at him for too long. He stood out from the crowd even though you can tell he didn't mean to. His white hair for one was exotic. His pale face was flawless, like a porcelain doll. Likewise, he looked fragile, like something you had to handle carefully, otherwise you run the risk of ruining perfection. His wide, blue eyes were like looking into rare jewels. Of course the other matter was his voice. When he spoke, all other sounds, the cacophany of 12 cash registers and scanners going at once, disappeared.

Before he had realized it, Matt was burning into the filter of his cigarette, his mind completely lost to visions and fantasies of Near as he let his imagination run wild. He heard his manager calling his name in the background. He ground the cigarette out with his heel, and went back inside, wondering when he would see Near again. He could hardly wait.


	2. This Cant Be Me

So let yourself down tonight

Chapter 2: "That cant be me"

The next few days had Near bursting with anxiousness and excitement in a way he couldn't imagine. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this way. He was energetic and wide eyed as he cooked dinner. Mello would be home shortly and with love in his mind, he was going to try and make tonight special.

He was humming to himself as he lifted the boiling pasta from the stove, and carefully carrying it to the sink before dumping it into a colander. Taped to the fridge was a recipe for Rigatoni Filetto di Pomodoro that he clipped out of the newspaper. It was an inexpensive way to create a fancy dinner for them. He hoped that all they needed was a little romance in their lives, that he could keep feeling this way.

He set the table, furnishing it with two candles and waited patiently for his boy to arrive. While he waited, the image of Matt, flashed before his mind's eye as it had been since that other day. He couldn't get him out of his head, but he was determined to focus his efforts on what he had.

As predicted, Mello walked through the door at 6PM, shedding his jacket. He finished hanging his jacket on the hook next to the wall and turned around to face Near who was sitting at the dining room table, smiling warmly at him.

"What's this?" He asked, pointing at the table with the flickering candles.

"It's dinner, just a little nicer. I think we both deserve it." Near said.

Mello sat down at the table warily. He figured Near must have wanted something, or had some news to share.

"Ok, so what is it? What's the occasion?" He said a bit coldly.

"No occasion. I just wanted to have a nice dinner with you. We don't do this often enough."

Near spooned some pasta into Mello's dish, before serving some to himself. He looked onwards as Mello grabbed his fork and stabbed some noodles.

"How much did this cost me?"

"It was cheap, Mello. I found the recipe in the newspaper." Near said, his voice taking on a hint of disappointment.

Mello took the first bite while Near studied his expression in anticipation.

"Not bad."

They ate for a while in silence. Near tried one more time to lighten the mood.

"You know your eyes look really good in the candlelight, Mello."

Mello furrowed his brow at Near in confusion at his comment.

"You're awfully chippy today."

"I dunno, I'm just in a good mood I guess."

"Well I'm glad you're in a good mood. I'm glad you're here having fun while I'm breaking my arse all day unloading containers. Today John didn't lock the hoist well enough today and I almost dropped one into the fucking ocean."

Near looked down into his plate, this wasn't going how he had hoped it would all day.

"I'm sorry to hear that...."

Mello continued venting the ills of his workday onto Near, essentially spoiling any inkling of romance that was left in the moment until the food was finished. Near sat back in his chair wondering if Mello even noticed his demeanor.

_Why is he so oblivious? This isn't the person I ran away to the States with. This isn't the person I fell in love with. _

Mello got up from his chair, and headed for the coat rack, putting his jacket on.

"I'm going out for a while. Gonna have a few with the guys."

Near got up from his chair and bounded over to Mello, snaking his hands underneath Mello's jacket while looking into his eyes coyly.

"I was hoping you might stay home tonight." Near said, before closing his eyes and kissing Mello softly. Mello wasn't very responsive, so Near tried a bit harder by shoving his tongue into Mello's mouth. Mello pushed him away.

"Christ Near!" Mello barked.

Near looked like someone just kicked him, everything was going wrong.

"I just thought we could...ya know... it's been a while."

Mello shucked his jacket onto the floor and grabbed Near forcefully, pushing him into the wall. He began undoing Near's pants, shoving them down to his ankles and unbuttoning his shirt exposing more of his pale flesh to the incandescent light. Mello sucked hungrily at Near's neck and chest, nearly leaving bruises behind. Just as Near was going to say something, Mello turned him around and started unbuckling his pants, allowing them to fall to the floor. He lubricated himself with a healthy dose of spit and pushed himself into Near, making him grunt loudly through gritted teeth.

"Ahh Mello. Be a little more gentle. Argh..."

Mello arched himself on top of Near and bit hard on his back as he fucked him against the wall, making him moan louder. Near tried to get into it but he wasn't enjoying it, his emotional state earlier didn't have him in the mood. What he needed tonight was tenderness, affection, and this was everything but. Fortunately Mello finished soon enough, leaving Near leaning on the wall breathless. He heard Mello re-fasten his pants and then put his jacket back on.

"I'll catch you later." Mello said over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him.

Near didn't know exactly what to think. He was hurt, both down there and inside his heart.

_Does he not love me anymore? _

He put his pants back on and walked to the bedroom, crashing on the bed. He didn't even feeling like cleaning up the dishes or blowing out the candles. While the tears streamed down his face, he could only think of one thing, that boy at the grocery store. He knew nothing about him, but he knew he had to see him again. It was an irresistible draw that he knew he was hopeless to fight. He laid there for about an hour and then forced himself out of bed to clean up the mess in the kitchen and living room. He didn't want to hear it from Mello if he didn't. Later that night he stayed as close to the edge of the bed as possible. He didn't even want to feel Mello's warmth next to him when he finally came home.

The next morning Near had woken up again after Mello had left for work. He remembered how they used to eat breakfast together every morning. Now Mello didn't even bother to wake him. Near pulled himself out of bed wearily and staggered to the kitchen for some much needed orange juice. He saw a note taped to the refrigerator.

"Pick up cereal. I ran out this morning."

Near snatched the note from the appliance angrily, wondering if that's all Mello thought of him as, his slave. He plopped down in a chair near the breakfast table, coiling his hair around one of his fingers. It then dawned on him. He had a good excuse to go see Matt now.

He headed for the bedroom to get dressed, studying himself in the mirror, something he hadn't done for a long time. He wasn't thrilled with the person staring back at him. He didn't want to look this way anymore, at least not in front of Matt. His attire was too plain, like he simply didn't care. It said nothing about him. He grabbed the jewelry box he had in his nightstand drawer and counted the money inside. Figuring $75 should be enough to change his look, he grabbed his keys and headed for the door.

He wandered past the shops aimlessly, finally just picking one at random and entering. He was met with loud rock music as he crossed the threshold. He wanted cool clothes, something that would make Matt notice. Unfortunately cool wasn't exactly his area of expertise. He would grab an item, such as a shirt or pair of pants, and carry them with him for a little while and them put them back, figuring he'd look stupid wearing them, that he just doesn't have the right look.

"You look like you need help. Lots of help actually." A girl in her mid-20's with pink hair and black eyeliner and lipstick said approaching him.

"Oh... I'm just looking." Near looked down at the ground nervously.

"Well at first I thought you were shoplifting. But after a while I realized what was going on. You're lost in here aren't you."

Near nodded, still looking at his feet.

"Well let me help you then." She said, pulling random items from the shelves and handing them to Near, "Now get in there and try them on." pointing to the dressing room.

Near took the clothes with him in the dressing room and put them on, studying himself in the mirror. He felt nervous, he was even sweating a little. He could not believe he was looking at himself. The girl had picked out a tight pair of black jeans that seemed to stretch around his skin, showing off his round butt. The pants weren't too crazy he thought, however the shirt was. She had picked out a tight black hooded sweatshirt that had red chains with miniature red handcuffs hanging from the sleeves and laid across the front in a somewhat crisscross pattern. The sleeves had holes at the ends, which Near stuck his thumbs through assuming that was their purpose. The tightness of the hoodie made him look even thinner than he normally did, but the dark colors enhanced his eyes, made them seem bluer than they normally would.

"What's taking you so long in there?" The employee called out.

"Umm...." Was all Near could say as he opened the door and stepped out.

"Oh my god. You look delicious." She squealed.

Near's face turned roughly the color of an apple.

"I dunno. I don't think it looks right on me. I don't really have the look." Near said, too scared to make eye contact.

"Ok. What's he look like?"

"Huh?"

"The guy you like. What does he look like?"

"How did you..."

"Honey I've had my fair share of gayboys coming in here with the same look that you have on your face. I know it when I see it."

Near exhaled deeply, still not once looking up.

"Well, I've only seen him in his work uniform. I don't know how he dresses outside of work."

"Well if he doesn't think you look good the way you look now, then he isn't worth your time."

"Are you sure?" Near said, finally looking up to meet her face, it seemed genuine enough. She seemed trustworthy.

"Trust me. You're lucky your gay, otherwise I would tie you up in the back of the store right now and do things to you."

Near's swallowed hard, not sure what to say, or if to say anything at all. She laughed and led him to the cash register.

"One more thing." She said handing him a spiked collar.

"You're not serious are you?" Near's eyes went wide at the object in his hand.

"Oh I'm serious alright. He's going to love it."

Fortunately Near had enough cash to cover everything, he left the store with his old clothes in a shopping bag and re-entered the city streets feeling like a completely different person. Actually he felt like himself, just wearing a different person's clothes. He felt out of place, like he didn't have the confidence to carry his appearance. But he trudged onwards anyway, avoiding eye contact wherever possible, wondering if people were staring at him.

He kept walking past the apartment, and in the direction of the grocery store. The 30 minute walk seemed to drag on for ages as the anticipation gripped him so tightly he thought he'd stop breathing. The store was in view now, and he thought he wouldn't be able to go through with it, not looking like this.

He bit his lip and barged inside, dashing down one of the aisles. He peeked around the corner at the checkout lanes, his heart nearly stopped beating as he caught sight of Matt. He found Mello's cereal and walked into Matt's lane, keeping his head down. The customer in front of him was finished, and he nervously advanced in front of Matt's cash register. Matt didn't seem to notice him at first, as his head was turned talking to one of the other cashiers.

"So this guy had like $300 worth of stuff and I swear he had a coupon for each item. My line was almost to the back of the store. I honestly thought a can of pineapples was going to go flying at him any second." Matt turned his head to the front, punching his employee ID into the keyboard "Do you have a valued sh....." His voice trailed off as he saw Near, staring up at him with wide blue eyes.

"Hi." Near squeaked. He was impressed with his ability to make any sound at all.

"You... you came back! Whoo! And, wow look at you! Where'd this come from? What was...what was that the last time?" Matt said gesturing with his fingers, but not once losing Near's gaze.

"Oh.. I just dress like this sometimes. I was a bit lazy last week. I was only going to the doctor."

"So you dressed up today to see me?" Matt asked, hoping to have at least a little fun with Near, he could tell he was a bit nervous. Near's quickly looked away from this comment unable to think of what the right way to respond would be.

"Oh...no well... I just..."

Near wasn't watching what Matt was doing while he thought of a good enough excuse. Matt slid a piece of paper in front of Near with a phone number on it.

"It's my phone number. You've got me." Matt said,

Near picked up the paper and looked up at Matt with his mouth hanging open.

"Umm....Do you.... want mine?" He said.

Matt nodded, handing near a pen and piece of cash register receipt. Near wrote his cell-phone number down on the paper and slid it over to Matt.

"That'll be $2.67 Near."

"Huh? Oh! The cereal!"

Near nervously pulled his wallet from his pocket and fumbled with the dollar bills inside handing Matt 3 dollars. Matt counted the change and dropped it gently into the palm of Near's hand, almost one at a time, the quasi-sensual contact making Near weak in the knees.

"Talk to you soon Near." Matt said.

"Mmm hmm." Near replied leaving the store, taking one last glance at Matt, who's eyes were unashamedly following him.

Once outside Near ducked down a side street and sat down on the ground with his back against a building. He stared at the phone number, starting to laugh almost uncontrollably.

"Wow." He said to himself, before picking himself back up and walking home.

A/N: Awww...aren't they so cute??!?! I'm having a LOT of fun writing this, and I've already got a lot more written so updates should come semi-frequently. I had received words of concern with the last chapter that they characters are too OOC. I'm trying the best I can with that, really, but the truth of the matter is that these characters have a different history and upbringing than they did in DN, so it would seem natural for them to be slightly different. But I'm happy because I made the emo Near I always wanted XD!


	3. New Message

So let yourself down tonight

Chapter 3: New Message

Near dashed up the stairs of the apartment building, humming to himself happily before crashing through the door. The smile vanished from his face when he spotted Mello sitting at the table frozen in time with a sandwich in his mouth, staring at him. He looked Near up and down.

"You're joking right?" He said, his mouth full of food.

"What... what are you doing home?" Near asked, beads of sweat building up on his forehead.

"Lunch. What are you doing... looking like that?"

Near placed his bags on the floor and sat down at the table across from Mello, hoping this confrontation wouldn't be as difficult as he thought it was going to be.

"I just felt like changing my look a little. I always wear the same things and I'm getting bored of it. Don't worry, I used my own money. Don't you like it?"

"No I think you look ridiculous. Do I need to see if you've been cutting yourself too?" Mello said with a scornful look.

Near winced at his comment, he suddenly felt very stupid and very self-conscious. He got up and went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him. He took his new clothes off and stowed them in his nightstand, away from the rest of his and Mello's wardrobe. He put on the plain white outfit he was wearing earlier, but didn't dare go back in the other room. Mello didn't come in after him either.

He laid in bed, pulling the covers over himself. He just wanted to go to sleep, to forget all about the world he didn't fit into. He drifted off into a half-sleep state, too agitated to fall completely under, but conscious enough to let his thought patterns torture him. Mello's words repeated over and over again, modified themselves, made themselves worse. His disapproving expression exaggerated and twisted. He thought of the potential for hurt. He thought of Matt losing interest in him once he got to know Near, to see that there wasn't anything there behind his unique appearance, a waste. He knew Matt would never call him anyway, and he was probably better for it. He didn't want to set himself up for the disappointment.

Mello was right, he thought, he was just being silly, trying to live someone else's life. He stayed in the bed, his soul churning itself until it hurt. Everything hurt. His eyes burned from the tears. He had a headache, and an indescribable pain somewhere right under his chest. Even sleep couldn't save him.

His self-torment halted for a moment as he felt something vibrating against his leg. Snapping back to reality, he pulled his phone from his pocket and tried to focus on the screen, eyes blurry from silently crying for the past 4 hours.

"1 new text-message--- _Hey, are you still thinking about me? -Matt_"

Near stared at the message, unsure of how to respond. Should he say yes? Should he ignore it?

_Is he mocking me?_

The phone buzzed again.

"_Because I cant get you out of my mind. -Matt_"

Near gulped as he read the text message over and over again. He sat there staring at it until the phone gave up and turned the backlight off. He hit the reply button and tapped out his message.

"_Me too._"

And in an instant, all the pain went away.

Near pulled himself out of bed and rubbed his eyes while taking a deep breath. He paced around the room, struggling with the question that was now haunting him.

_Do I? Or don't I?_

Matt did make him feel good, he thought, even though they had barely spoke and only seen each other twice. He couldn't get over how he was feeling though. Matt had him, and he was powerless to it. He thought of Mello, and what could happen if he found out. He felt guilty for deceiving him, for whatever it was he was about to do, for even thinking about it. Despite that though, he wasn't going to let it stop him. It was like drinking nothing but water your whole life, which was sometimes dirty and bitter and made you sick. Then one day someone waves a glass of lemonade in front of you, leaving it at arms reach. You can smell it, and the thought of it consumes you. Just one sip, you'll do anything for it. You know you're going to take a drink. You know you cant stop yourself.

He thought of the redhead touching him. The feeling of his hands running over his skin, his breath on his neck. Gentle. Slow. Sensual. He could almost feel his kiss, his voice whispering quietly in his ear telling him how beautiful he is. Suddenly Near's pants started to get very tight.

He shook his head rapidly trying to stop himself from getting so worked up. The indescribable swelling feeling permeated his whole body. He felt like he was glowing in infra-red. Suddenly the phone in his pocket buzzed again.

"_Do you have plans tonight? I would like to see you. -Matt_"

Near didn't hesitate to respond. He knew Mello more than likely would go out tonight. He always did.

"_Id like that. I should be available after 7:30- Near"_

He held the phone in his hand for an eternity, anxiously awaiting his reply.

"I'll p_ick U up. What's the addr?- Matt"_

Near's heart started pumping faster as everything suddenly seemed so real. He wasn't reading this in a book or watching it on television. This was happening to him. This was his reality. His thumb was a bit shaky as he tapped in his reply.

"_284 Banker St. Text me when you get here. -Near"_

_"Will do. Cant wait! -Matt"_

Near exhaled slowly through pursed lips, staring at the last message. He put the phone in his pocket and started to prepare a meal for Mello when he got home. He wanted him out of the house as quickly as possible. Near quickly threw together some hamburgers, his fingers tapping on the countertop in anticipation.

Like clockwork, Mello walked through the door at 6 o'clock.

"Hey. How was work?" Near asked.

"Aggravating. Since when do you care?" Mello said.

"I do care." He replied, placing a burger in front of Mello as he sat down at the table.

"Any plans tonight?" Near asked, hoping to try and appear natural.

Mello looked up at him distrustingly.

"Should I have any?"

Near knew Mello all to well, and could play him better than he thought.

"Well there's this movie tonight on TV that I thought we could watch together."

"Nah, I don't really feel like it. Actually I am going out. Some of the guys are playing billiards tonight and I need to show them a thing or two." Mello replied.

"Suit yourself, I'll watch it by myself then."

Mello shrugged his shoulders at Near's well-acted disappointment. Shortly thereafter, Mello received a text from one of his work buddies letting him know they were waiting for him at the billiards hall. Near wondered if their wives felt as neglected as he did. They all probably were doing the same thing he was going to.

Mello left a little while later at 6:45, which gave Near just enough time to get ready. He threw his clothes off and headed into the shower. After toweling off he pulled his new clothes from the nightstand and put them on, brushed his teeth and fixed his hair and then sat and waited not-so patiently for Matt to arrive. He watched the clock obsessively, as each minute ticked closer to 7:30. Suddenly his phone buzzed.

"_I'm here... I think.- Matt_"

Near's heart was racing. He put his shoes on and left the apartment, walking down the stairs slowly, almost having second thoughts. He bit his lip and continued down the stairs, opening the door to the outside and looking around.

He spotted Matt standing there, leaning against a black Mazda Miata convertible, looking incredibly delicious out of his work clothes. He was wearing a tan vest lined with white fur, a black and white striped shirt underneath it, tall black boots, and a pair of yellow motorcycle goggles. Near approached him with a fascinated smile on his face, marveling at the uniqueness of Matt's clothes and how they looked on him.

"I guess I am in the right place." Matt said.

"Hey Matt. You look... different." Near said.

"Yeah, I dressed up a bit for you, being that you did the same for me earlier."

Near started to blush. Matt pulled the goggles down and let them hang around his neck so he could seem a little more personable to Near. He knew the boy was nervous. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable as well.

"So what are we doing tonight?" Near asked.

"Well I was hoping you didn't eat yet. I would love to treat you to dinner."

"I'd love to have you for dinner..." Near said, wanting to slap himself for saying something so stupid, "I mean,. I would like to have dinner with you."

Fortunately Matt laughed at the freudian slip, causing Near to laugh nervously in return. Matt stepped away from the car and opened the door for Near, allowing him to settle into the red leather interior before closing the door and then getting in on the drivers side.

"Nice car." Near said starting to feel a bit more comfortable talking with Matt.

"Thanks. I only take it out on special nights." Matt said as he turned the key, firing up the engine.

"So I guess that would make me special?" Near said, coiling his hair around his fingers. He wasn't consciously trying to be so cute, but it couldn't be helped.

"Yes you are. I can tell that already and I hardly know you, which is something I plan on correcting tonight."

They took off down the street and into the night.

"So where are we going?" Near asked, looking around as the city flashed by.

"A little place. Do you like Japanese food?" Matt replied.

"Well. I guess so. I haven't had much experience with it to be honest."

"Do you have an aversion to eating raw fish?" Matt said, with a mischievous smirk.

"Eh, I dunno. It sounds a bit scary."

"What if I promised you that you'd like it. Would you trust me?"

Near looked at Matt and realized he did trust him. He didn't even know why but he did.

"Yes I trust you."

Matt pulled up in front of the restaurant and was fortunate enough to find a parking spot right in front. They went inside and were seated at a table in a dimly lit corner of the room. Near allowed Matt to order dinner for the both of them, since he didn't know what he would've wanted anyway.

"You're not still nervous are you?" Matt asked bluntly, almost making Near choke on the glass of water he was drinking.

"I wasn't until you just said that," Near said laughing lightly, "It's just...well I haven't been out on too many dates. What about you? Are you nervous?"

"Would you believe it if I told you I was?"

"You definitely aren't acting like it.... wait.. I make you nervous? Why?"

"Because you're beautiful. Intriguing. I can tell there's far more to you than meets the eye."

Near thought Matt's words would make him melt into a puddle right there. Nobody had ever called him beautiful before, not even Mello.

"I'm not really all that special." Near said, his insecurities bubbling to the surface.

"You're also very modest. It's cute."

The food arrived at the table a short while later. Matt had ordered a platter of sushi for the both of them and miso soup. Near was fumbling with the chopsticks embarrassingly, trying to pick up a piece of tuna but dropping it at least three times. Matt reached over the table and expertly pinched the sushi in between his own chopsticks, dipping it in soysauce and then bringing it to Near's mouth. Near opened his mouth and accepted the food while Matt gently placed it inside. Near had almost forgotten what he was eating as he swooned at Matt's romantic gesture.

"Thanks." Near said, after he finished swallowing his first piece of sushi, surprised at how much he liked it.

"Did you like it?" Matt asked.

"Yes. It was very good actually."

"Ready for another piece?"

Near definitely wanted Matt to keep feeding him, but he didn't want to take advantage, even though Matt looked like he was having fun doing it.

"Can you teach me how to use the chopsticks? That way you can eat too. I don't want your food to get cold."

"It's already is cold. It's supposed to be, silly." Matt replied.

"True." Near said, smiling adorably.

Matt placed the chopsticks in Near's hand, and manipulated his fingers gently to hold them correctly. Near got goosebumps from his sensual touch. Pretty soon he had gotten the hang of it, at least enough that he could handle a piece of sushi without dropping it on the table.

"So long have you been here?" Matt asked.

"Almost 2 years actually."

"What brought you here? School?"

"Well that was the plan, but unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I do plan on going eventually though."

"Where do you work?"

Near started to realize how difficult this was going to be. He felt guilty having to tell half-truths and sometimes outright lies to Matt. It's the last thing he would've wanted. He cursed Mello's existence under his breath.

"Well I'm unemployed at the moment. Fortunately I had enough money saved up to keep me going for a while though."

"Where are your parents? Still in England?"

"Ehh.. That's a bit complicated. My parents died shortly after I was born, and I was raised in an orphanage until I was about 10 years old before I was taken in by my first foster parents. I went through roughly 5 different households over the years. A few days before I turned 18, my last set of foster parents found out, well, that I like boys. They didn't accept it too well, and I decided to come to the States and start my life over. I was going to be on my own anyway so I figured I'd try somewhere else." Near said all in one breath. Coming up with that wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. Half of it was true anyway.

"Wow. I don't even know what to say. That must've been difficult for you, bouncing from house to house, never really feeling like you belonged anywhere."

"It was. But I'm used to it. What about you? What's your life story?"

"Ok.. where do I start? I was born and raised in nearby Staten Island. My father's an investment broker, and my mom's a real estate agent. I live with my older brother in Park Slope, and I go to school at NYU. I haven't picked a major yet but I think I'm going to go into video game design. I'm not out to my parents, but I am to my brother, and he's cool with it. When I'm not working or in class, or chasing after cute boys like yourself, I play video games, watch anime, drive around aimlessly in the city, watch movies... I dunno, normal stuff I guess."

Near swallowed hard, somewhat intimidated by Matt's level of confidence. Near felt that he was so boring in comparison. He didn't know what he wanted to do with his life, he just sits around all day reading and watching tv and cooking for Mello. He couldn't fathom what Matt saw in him. He suddenly wanted to go home. He was enjoying this first date in the beginning but now that he had already flat out lied to Matt, and that he felt inferior to him in every way, he just wished he was home and in bed and that none of this had ever happened.

"I must seem really boring to you." Near said, looking down at the table.

"No! Why would you think that? Like I said I'm intrigued by you. You've got an interesting history. You've only been here for a couple of years so you haven't really found yourself yet. I can understand that. You seem...lonely."

"I guess I am."

"Well hopefully I can help you with that." Matt said, smiling. Near nodded in response, but avoided eye contact.

The check had come and Matt paid for their dinner. They went back out to Matt's car.

"So what do you want to do next?" Matt asked.

Near thought of Mello, and how he might be home soon. He figured it'd be better to cut this date short, especially since he was feeling a little uncomfortable with himself.

"I have to get up early tomorrow to go job hunting. I'd love to spend more time with you but maybe another time?"

"Aww... Ok. I'll take you home." Matt said, pulling out into traffic.

The ride home was short, as they weren't terribly far away. Matt pulled up in front of Near's apartment building and switched the engine and headlights off, hoping they would talk for a little while. He hadn't wanted Near to go home so soon, and he hoped he hadn't done anything wrong to make him not enjoy himself, worried that his high energy level was a turn off.

"Thank you for dinner Matt. I really enjoyed myself." Near said.

"Really? Well I had a great time too. Am I going to see you again?"

"Yes I think so. I'll let you know the next time I'm free." Near said, not knowing what else to say. The truth is he did want to see Matt again, but he just didn't feel worthy of his company. He figured a non-committal response was the best way to go.

He looked into Matt's unique green eyes. It was as if Near didn't have control over his own body, because he didn't expect to be leaning over that way. Matt hadn't moved an inch. It was all Near's doing, and as their lips touched, Near felt a surge of electricity pass through him that made him whimper slightly out loud. He pulled away quickly, a bit overwhelmed by the sensation, and unsure of what he would do next. His face was flushed as he looked down towards the floor of the car.

Matt hadn't expected it either. Normally having an answer for everything, he didn't even know what to say. Near opened the door.

"Good night Matt." Near said, stepping out of the vehicle, too embarrassed to look at him again. He dove quickly into the building, burying his hands in his face once behind the steel door, gitggling to himself. Once inside the apartment, he stripped off his clothes and put his usual plain white attire back on. He couldn't believe what he had just done, that he actually kissed him. He also couldn't believe how amazing it was, how smooth and soft Matt's lips were.

He sat down and watched tv for a while, trying to distract himself a bit. Suddenly his phone buzzed in his pocket, startling him. He pulled it out and read the screen.

_"That was...amazing. -Matt"_

Suddenly Near felt that leaving so soon was the wrong choice, now that it was more apparent to him that Matt really did like him quite a bit. He just couldn't understand it and the conflicting feelings and thoughts coming at him from every end was hard to deal with. He felt like he was being torn in two at times, knowing what he was doing was wrong and so right at the same time.

It was 11pm and Mello still wasn't home, so Near went to bed and turned off the lights. He didn't think he'd be able to face Mello tonight anyway. All he thought about as he went to sleep is the next time he was going to see Matt, and what they would do together.

A/N:

Gaah! Near is so cute sometimes! He's falling soooo hard for Matt and he doesn't even realize it yet. He's got a difficult road ahead. Their second date is going to be just amazing, but you'll have to wait for it. I promise it wont be too long. Thanks for all the reviews everyone! They totally make me happy.

Oh and special thanks to Albinokatzchen. She made me some fanart for my other story Holding onto Forever 2, and I absolutely love it! The link to it is on my profile page. It really means a lot to me.


	4. This Boy's in Love

So let yourself down tonight

Chapter 4- "This Boy's in Love"

Warning: It's lemon time. Meaning Matt and Near are going to do naughty things to each other.

The weekend couldn't come fast enough for Near. Things fell into place so easily, almost as if it was destiny calling, which is something Near never believed in. The night before, Matt asked Near if he would like to go out again that coming friday night. Shortly thereafter, Mello could be heard complaining to his boss over the phone that he had to work an overnight shift on Friday night. It was just too perfect to be true. He would actually have a decent amount of time to spend with Matt, and finally relax a little.

Near couldn't keep his mind off of Matt for the two days since their first date, and it seemed Matt couldn't keep his mind off of him either. He would receive about 15 text messages a day from Matt, saying things like "_Just thinking about U." and "I just saw some flowers and they remind me of your eyes."_ Near responded in kind, enjoying the romantic game that he'd never experienced before.

Friday night finally rolled around. Earlier in the day, Near had gone back to the clothing store to buy a different shirt, not wanting to wear the same thing every time he saw Matt. He picked it out himself this time however. He settled on a black button up shirt, which he thought looked rather sexy on him, contrasting sharply with his otherwise pale features. The pink haired employee also suggested a black tie, hung loosely around his neck. She was thrilled to hear that things went well on their first date.

Near had gotten himself ready as soon as Mello left for work, which only gave him 20 minutes to spare before Matt arrived to pick him up. He studied himself in the mirror, practicing different facial expressions. He went from a devilish smirk, a sexy narrow eyed stare, a wide eyed pout, and anything in between, seeing which one had the most sex appeal. He was going to do everything he could to drive Matt wild with desire tonight. He liked what he saw in the mirror too.

He went outside to wait for Matt, who pulled up in front roughly 5 minutes later. He immediately got out of the car to meet Near. He was wearing basically the same thing he was the last time they met, although instead of a white and black striped shirt underneath his vest, it was red and black stripes.

"Ahhh... Wow you look hot." Matt said, eyeing Near up and down.

"Thanks." Near replied, looking downwards with a shy smile.

Matt opened the passengers door for Near, and let him settle down inside. Once Matt got inside the car, he was close enough for near to notice the cologne he was wearing, and it smelled amazing to him.

"So where are we going tonight?" Near asked.

"Well, we're headed straight into Manhattan. There's a place in the village that I like. It's cozy and they have good food, and then we'll see what happens from there."

"That sounds enjoyable. I've never been to the village actually." Near replied.

"Wha? Really? You've lived in NY for almost 2 years and you haven't been to the village?"

"Not really. I don't go into Manhattan terribly often actually."

"Oh wow, you're missing out! Trust me, you're going to have a great time."

They found a parking spot around the block from the restaurant, and walked the rest of the way. Near was surprised when he saw two guys holding hands walk past them. He even turned around to look.

"The community here appears to be very accepting." He said.

"Surprised? That's nothing. Watch this." Matt said, stopping in his tracks and turning Near to face him, before kissing him right there, in the middle of the sidewalk, with people walking around them.

Near's face was flushed and wide-eyed. He wasn't sure what stunned him more, the public display of affection or the intense feelings Matt's kiss gave him.

"That... was nice." He said, at a loss for better words. Matt smiled at him, widely before taking his hand and walking with him the rest of the way to the restaurant.

They enjoyed a good meal together, and the service was quick so they were out of the restaurant pretty quickly.

"How do you feel about chocolate? I've got a place I'd love to take you for dessert." Matt asked.

Mello usually was the one that ate the chocolate in the house, in fact he ate quite a lot of it. However it was something Near learned to appreciate the taste of.

"Chocolate sounds good." Near replied.

"Awesome. The place is just around the corner, pretty close to where we parked actually."

They walked together to the dessert spot, and were quickly seated at a small, intimate table for two. Near looked over the menu and was amazed at how many different things that could be made with chocolate as the main ingredient. It was a bit overwhelming, and he wasn't sure what to order. He didn't want to get anything too big since he was still full from dinner.

"I'm not sure what to order, Matt. You pick."

"Well I think I'd like to keep it simple. I'm suggest we share an order of chocolate fondue with fresh strawberries." He replied, a mischievous smirk on his face. Near wasn't quite sure what the meaning of his expression was.

The waiter came and took their order. Near was looking around the room, fascinated by the pipes that ran along the ceiling and walls, made to look like they were flowing with hot liquid chocolate. He took Near's averted attention as an opportunity to stare at his sparkling eyes, and soft features, wondering exactly what was going on in his head. Near looked at Matt, noticing his stare and smiled warmly.

"Are you having fun?" Matt asked.

"Yes I am actually. I'm enjoying this very much in fact."

The waiter set the fondue dish, filled with hot liquid goodness and a bowl of strawberries down on the table. Near picked up the skinny fondue fork, ready to poke a strawberry. Matt placed his hand on Near's, halting him.

"Allow me." Matt said, picking up one of the strawberries and dipping it in the hot, molten chocolate, holding it in the air for a moment for some of the excess to drip off back into the dish, "Come closer."

Near brought himself closer to the middle of the table, his heart already had started pounding. He opened his mouth in anticipation, but instead of placing the strawberry directly in his mouth, Matt slowly ran it in a circular pattern around his lips, coating them with chocolate, some of it dripping down his chin. Near went breathless at the sensual feelings that were taking complete control over him and closed his eyes as the strawberry slid into his mouth. Matt used his finger to wipe the chocolate that had dribbled down his chin, and stuck it in his own mouth, cleaning it of the sweet brown syrup. Near ate the strawberry slowly, licking the chocolate off his lips. He was more turned on than he could have imagined, straining against his tight jeans.

"Want more?" Matt asked, noticing the effect he was having on Near.

"mmm....yes." Near said nearly whimpering. He couldn't comprehend the power Matt had over him, how aroused he was getting over something so simple.

Matt did it again, dipping the strawberry a bit more this time and not waiting for the extra to drip off before bringing it to Near's lips. Near sucked on the end of the strawberry gently, placing his hand on Matt's, pushing his hand further, allowing one of his chocolate coated fingers into his mouth, running his tongue along it erotically. His heart was pounding, and his breaths were getting deeper and more erratic, he was more turned on at that moment than he had ever been with Mello, and here he was, in a public place, ready to climb over the table and attack Matt on the spot.

"Need a break?" Matt asked.

"Umm... yeah. You really need to stop that right now. I never thought..." He couldn't even finish his sentence.

_What is he doing to me?_

He looked down at the table, trying to calm himself down. Matt helped himself to the strawberries though, sitting back in his seat and staring at Near intently as his put one in his mouth.

Suddenly he sat forward and looked around the room, trying to notice if anybody was watching, and how visible they were, considering their table was next to a partition. Satisfied he would go unnoticed, he grabbed Near's hand, dipped it in the chocolate, and brought his fingers to his mouth and started sucking the chocolate off of each one.

"aahhhh...mmmmm." Near whimpered, he thought he was in danger of exploding at any second, he looked down, afraid that it might actually happen if he watched Matt expertly sucking chocolate from his fingers.

"Ready to go?" Matt asked.

"ahhh.....yeah." Near said, trying to fight the overwhelming urges fighting their way outside of him, hoping he could bring himself back down to earth by the time they had to leave.

Matt left him alone for the time being, noticing how worked up he was. Matt was incredibly turned on himself however, he just did a better job of hiding it. Not another single word between them was said as Matt paid the bill. They left together and headed for the car, the cool breeze helping Near return back to normal for the time being.

"My place?" Matt asked.

Near nodded, his heart almost ready to explode as he thought about what they were going to be doing in the very near future. Matt was driving fast, almost fast enough to frighten Near, but he seemed to know what he was doing, and the sense of urgency in Matt's driving matched his own.

Once they were on the highway, Matt took his hand off the shifter and placed it on Near's thigh, squeezing gently. Near sat back in the seat, feeling himself get excited again at Matt's touch, he leaned over in the seat towards him, burying his nose in the collar of Matt's vest, inhaling the cologne he was wearing. He placed his hand on Matt's chest. It was hot, and even though the car was vibrating, he could feel his heart beating though his shirt. Matt had to remove his hand from Near to shift gears again since they were back on the city streets, but Near didn't withdraw. He placed his hand on Matt's leg, and massaged it gently, feeling the muscles underneath.

_God! How much further until we get to his place?_

Before he knew it they pulled into the driveway of a house, they exited the car and Matt lead them to the side door, which went into Matt's basement apartment.

The second the door was closed and they were down the stairs, their lips met. Things were getting hot and heavy very quickly as their tongues wrestled each other. Matt threw his vest to the floor and wrapped his arms around Near, pulling him close and grinding against him. Near moaned out loud as he felt Matt's hardness against him. He pulled at Matt's shirt, wrestling it off of him, exposing his thin, but muscled and smooth body to Near, who immediately started kissing his bare chest.

"Bed's over there." Matt said.

They staggered over to the bed together, never once breaking contact. Matt started unbuttoning Near's shirt frantically, pulling it past his shoulders and pushing him onto the bed before straddling on top of him. Near's arms were bound, still trapped in the sleeves of his shirt, but he didn't bother trying to struggle his way out of them, because Matt had already started feasting on his delicious body, leaving a trail saliva thick with chocolate from earlier down his chest and stomach. He felt hands unbuttoning his pants, each button on his fly popping open erotically. He felt them slide down his legs and off his feet, before hearing them fly across the room into the corner. He sat there in his underwear, soaked at the front with precum. He felt Matt's fingers underneath the waistband brushing the head of his engorged member, sending a shiver down his back. Matt pulled his boxers off and exposed Near's aching, throbbing penis. Matt wrapped his hand around it causing Near to yelp out loud, as more of the clear sticky liquid flowed out and over his fingers. Near saw Matt's head go down as he swallowed his penis whole, all the way down to the bottom. Matt's mouth was searing hot, causing him to grasp handfuls of the blanket covering the bed, biting his lip, trying to hold back the scream he wanted to let out.

"Don't hold back. Nobody can hear us." Matt said, before starting working on Near again, bobbing his head up and down on Near's shaft, swirling his tongue firmly around it.

"aaahhhh!!!"

Near wrestled himself out of the shirt and bent his legs, placing his feet on the end of the bed, using them to push himself upwards into Matt's mouth and grabbing a hold of his hair, fucking his face frantically. He felt his insides burning, the swelling feeling building up rapidly inside of him. He was going to explode at any moment. His breathing was becoming faster, erratic. Matt ran his hands over Near's chest and stomach, squeezing his flesh and driving him completely over the edge.

"mmmmmm.... Matt!! Argggh..." Near cried out as he filled Matt's mouth with his cum, his orgasm was more powerful than any he had remembered before. He was getting lightheaded, trying to catch his breath Matt sucked the last droplets of his nectar from him.

His hands were shaking as he pulled Matt onto the bed with him, kissing him deeply, tasting his own juices on Matt's tongue. He wanted more. He needed more. He broke his kiss with Matt and placed his legs on Matt's shoulders, positioning him where he wanted him.

Matt knew exactly what Near wanted, and using a good amount of semen thickened saliva lubricated himself and Near's entrance he placed himself against him. Near nodded for him to continue, and Matt pushed himself into him slowly. Near gritted his teeth, trying to fight the pain that he knew would turn into pleasure like he never experienced.

"You ok? Do you want me to stop?" Matt asked.

"Don't you stop. I want more of you....aahhh."

Matt pushed his way into Near further, until he was all the way inside of him. Near's eyes were narrow and lusty, and had a look to them that was driving Matt into animal instincts. He started fucking him hard, Near was yelping loudly every time he plunged into him, but he wanted even more as he wrapped his legs around Matt's waist and started pulling him harder into him. Near was hard again, aching for release as Matt's member rammed his prostate over and over again. He took matters into his own hands and started stroking himself furiously, noticing from the look on Matt's face that he was getting close to the edge of release.

"Are you close?" Near asked, knowing he was ready to cum again himself any second.

Matt nodded, quickening his pace, starting to moan loudly as Near felt Matt's hardness swell inside of him.

"Aahhhh.." Matt cried out, slowing his ramming action to a crawl, deliberately pulling as much of his shaft out without actually removing it and then plunging it back in as he filled Near with cum. Near came hard for the second time, his juices spraying his face and hair and coating his stomach.

Matt collapsed in a heap on top of Near, who put his hands on Matt's sweating back as he kissed him passionately. His whole body was tingling. He couldn't believe what had just taken place. He had never experienced sex like that in his life. Mello had never made him feel that way. After kissing for a while, Matt withdrew himself from Near's body and then used an old shirt to clean him up with. He pulled the covers from the bed and invited Near underneath them with him, before pulling the blanket over them. He held Near's body close to his, resting his hand on his stomach and kissing the back of his neck gently, his soft hair brushing against his face, taking in the clean, fresh scent.

Both of them knew it and were thinking of it at that very moment. They were hopelessly in love, and whatever difficulties lay ahead was the furthest thing from their minds. They fell asleep in that position for a while, enjoying each other's touch.

Near was the first to wake up, startled that he overslept and wouldn't be able to make it home before Mello did. A glance at the clock showed it to be 3AM, so he settled back down, but wasn't able to fall back asleep. Matt felt him stir and opened his eyes to the room dimly awash in red from the numerals on the digital clock radio.

"Hey." Matt whispered.

"Hi." Near said, stretching his arms and yawning.

"What's the matter cant sleep?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, I was asleep for a while but now I cant fall back. I'm wide awake."

Matt slowly ran his hand along Near's slender body, making him emit a quiet whine through his nose.

"Are you ok?"

"Hmm? Oh I'm very happy. That was amazing, Matt."

"It was amazing for me too. You're just incredible actually."

Near turned around to face Matt, both of them staring into each others eyes, inches apart.

"I've never really felt like this before." Near said.

"Me neither. I wished it lasted longer."

"We could do it again, you know."

Their lips met, both of them getting aroused almost instantly. Very soon after Matt was inside Near again. With both of them facing each other, eyes locked, kissing and biting gently on each other, Near pressed his organ against Matt's body while he exploded for the second time, coating parts of Matt's body and the bed sheets.

"Aahh. I'm sorry about that."

"Hahaha....don't apologize, Near. I'll get another set of sheets from the closet."

Near sat down, completely naked on the chair next to the bed, looking around the room while Matt stripped the bed of the semen coated sheets. He found a DVD case on the nearby table that seemed interesting to him. The words "Naruto" were written in orange on the cover. Near studied the cover and the cartoonish blonde boy on depicted on the cover.

"What's this Matt?" Near asked.

"Oh! That's Naruto, it's my favorite anime. Do you want to watch it?"

"Sure. Put it on." Near said, handing Matt the disc.

Matt inserted the disc into the DVD player and turned the TV on. Near sat transfixed on the TV while Matt tried to explain the plot to Near.

"And you see him? That's Gaara. He's totally hot and my favorite character." Matt said as he put the new sheets on the bed.

The credits rolled as the episode came to an end. Near actually enjoyed it quite a bit even though he knew he watching in the middle of apparently a very long series and had no clue of what was going on. He was just happy to experience something that Matt loved.

"Ready to hit the sack again?" Matt asked.

Near crawled back into the bed, now adorned with cool and fresh smelling sheets. Matt turned out the lights before snuggling up next to Near. Matt had fallen asleep quickly, but Near kept his eye on the clock, watching it intently, too terrified to end up oversleeping.

Later that morning, Near woke Matt up at about 8AM. He didn't want to, but he had to do it sinc Mello's shift ended at 9.

"Matt. Could you drive me home? I have to get ready for a job interview." Near said, blatantly lying.

"Umm.. Sure. Would you like to meet for lunch later? I'm off today." Matt yawned.

"Yeah that sounds nice."

They got out of the bed and got dressed and soon after was in Matt's car, heading to Near's apartment. They were stopped at a red light, when Near caught a flash of blonde hair in his peripheral vision. Mello started to cross the street, directly in the line of sight of Matt's open topped car. Near suddenly bent down, burying his head under the dashboard.

"Near? What are you...."

"Shhhhh!"

Matt's focus latched onto Mello as he walked past the car, the legs of his pants brushing against the front bumper.

"Umm...." Matt was interrupted by the honking of a horn behind him. He looked up at the green traffic signal.

Matt took off from the intersection. Near raised his head several seconds later, looking at Matt's concerned face as he sat back in the seat.

"Matt..."

"Ok, can you tell me what just happened there? Who was that?"

Near couldn't take it anymore. He hated lying, and as afraid as he was to tell Matt the truth, he realized he was caught, and lying any further would only make things worse.

"That was my boyfriend, that I live with." Near said, looking down at his lap.

Matt's heart clenched as the words met his ears. Everything was a lie, he thought. The beautiful boy who just managed to run away with his heart belonged to someone else.

"I can't believe this." Matt said quietly, his eyes fixed ahead.

"Matt... I don't.... I don't love him. I'm in a difficult situation."

Matt pulled the car over to the side of the street, staring at Near, hoping to get some kind of rational explanation.

"What kind of difficult situation?" He asked, with a hint of anger in his voice.

Near explained everything. He explained how he became involved in Mello while still in high school, and followed him to New York because he didn't have anywhere else to go. He explained how Mello treated him almost as if he hated him, how he was simply emotionally abused and neglected by Mello. Silent tears streamed down Near's face as the words left his mouth. Matt sat in silence for a while, trying to digest what he was just told.

"Matt, could you please drive? I need to get home." Near said, obviously getting nervous sitting in the seat.

Matt pulled back onto the road, at a loss for words.

"When were you planning on telling me?"

"I don't know. I've never been in this situation. Things between us happened so quickly... I'm sorry Matt. I just don't know what to do."

"What you need to do is break up with him."

Near looked down, trying to stop himself from crying, trying to save what dignity he had left. Everything's ruined, he thought. He hurt Matt and he cheated on Mello. He couldn't leave him, because he had nowhere to go. No job, no money, and he wouldn't dare ask Matt to take him in. He didn't want to become a burden. He was stuck in a rotten situation with no way out.

Matt pulled up in front of the apartment building. Near sat there for a moment with his eyes fixed forward. He was trying to build up the courage to get out Matt's car, probably to never see him again. He pulled the door handle, unbuckled his seatbelt, and started to climb out. He turned his head briefly and met Matt's eyes.

Near quicly looked away and left the car, disappearing behind the apartment building door.. Matt sat in the car, not moving for another 10 minutes, deep in thought. His insides hurt, thinking he had found what he always wanted, but he belonged to someone else, someone that didn't deserve him.

A/N:

Hope you enjoyed that :). Plz leave reviews. :) Chapter 5 is coming soon.


	5. Stuck

Chapter 5: "Stuck"

Matt sat down at the kitchen stool in his brother's house, staring down at the plate of scrambled eggs despondently. His 26 year old brother, James, put down the pan he was washing and stared at his younger brother, knowing something was wrong.

"Ok, spill it." He said.

"Hmm?" Matt said, looking up at him, "oh....nothing. It's nothing."

"Yeah sure. I've known you long enough to know it's not 'nothing'."

"Ehh... It's just... There's this guy, and I think I'm falling for him, but there's this other guy, who doesn't deserve him, and yeah, it's one of those things."

"I see. So why doesn't he leave him?"

"I don't know. It's complicated. The guy, I dunno, supports him. He has nowhere else to go. No family, nothing. I'm kinda mad. He lied to me. I don't want to be mad though, I just want him. " Matt said.

"You know, Matt. The things we want most in life are the most difficult to get. Things have a way of working their way out though. Is he worth the trouble?"

"Yes, I believe so. It just hurts so much James. To think this whole time, he's living with someone else. He was in a rush to get home so he wouldn't be caught."

James sat down next to Matt and put his hand on Matt's shoulder, patting it. Matt nodded and continued to eat his breakfast, unable to know what to think about Near's situation. He wanted to kill Mello. He could see in Near's eyes how crappy he was to him. How could anyone treat Near that way, he thought.

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Near was angry, and he was showing it for the first time. When he had gotten home he took a shower and changed into his normal clothes, knowing Mello would be home any minute. He clearly hated Mello. He hated him because he needed him, when there was someone that treated him like gold. He had to figure a way out of this situation. He wasn't going to take it anymore.

Mello stepped through the door looking completely exhausted. Near came out of the bedroom, and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV, not looking once in Mello's direction.

"Umm... Hello?" Mello said, expecting his usual greeting as he took his boots and jacket off.

"Hi." Near said plainly, eyes fixed on the TV.

"Can you make me some breakfast?" Mello asked.

Near looked at Mello, narrowing his eyes, a gesture Mello didn't think he ever saw from Near before.

"You can make it yourself. I'm not your slave." Near said, his voice monotone. Mello's eyes widened, and if one looked closely enough, a vein could be seen pulsing on the side of his forehead.

"As long as I pay for this place. You are." Mello replied, trying to keep calm.

Near got up from the couch and went into the kitchen, slamming cabinets open and a bowl on the counter. He poured cereal into the bowl, opened the refrigerator and took the milk out before pouring it liberally onto the cereal. He rammed a spoon into the bowl and slammed it down on the breakfast table, splashing some milk around it. He went to walk past Mello back into the living room but was blocked.

"What the FUCK is with you?" Mello hissed.

"You know, I'm starting to wonder Mello, what would you do with yourself if I wasn't around?" Near said haughtily.

Mello ground his teeth together, trying to keep his control. He grabbed Near forcefully by the shoulder and neck and slammed him hard into the refrigerator, bringing his face menacingly close. Near could feel Mello's breath on his cheek.

"And just what what would YOU do with yourself if I wasn't around? Think you could survive here? This city would eat you alive."

Mello pushed hard on Near's neck before letting him go causing him to wince in pain. Near took a deep breath as his heart raced. Mello had never physically assaulted him before, and he was trying to fight back the tears, knowing that would just add to Mello's satisfaction. He quickly raced into the bedroom and slammed the door before crashing onto the bed. He was shaking as he pulled the covers over him. The tears started to flow, the fear still coursing through him. He thought of Matt, and how he wanted to escape with him. How he just wanted to be wrapped in his arms, his voice whispering to his ear that everything was going to be ok.

Near was withdrawn over the next few days. Matt checked his phone often, to see if he possibly missed Near's call. But he never did. He wanted to call to check on him, but at the same time wanted to allow Near time to figure out his situation without getting in the middle of it. This thoughts were consumed with him. He was constantly worried about him, and it was hard to get his mind off of it, even though he felt cheated.

He was at work, allowing the daily grind to distract him when he heard a familiar voice. He turned around to see Near standing in front of his register, holding a shopping bag. His heart almost leapt out of his chest.

"Near?"

Near couldn't look him in the eyes. He felt too guilty for deceiving Matt, and the unfortunate way he had to find out.

"Umm.. I wanted to give you something. Do you have a moment?" Near said.

Matt closed his register and told his manager he was going on his break. Matt led Near to the back of store in the warehouse so they could have some privacy.

"Are you ok?" Matt asked.

"Well I just wanted to apologize for deceiving you. It was unfair to you, and I hope it doesn't affect the way you think of me. This is a situation I'm unfamiliar with, and I didn't quite realize what was going on at the time. I didn't realize what I was doing."

"Near. I..." Matt sighed, "I still want you, but both of us can't have you."

Near nodded. He gestured at the bag he was holding.

"I wanted to do something to make it up to you. A symbol of my apology." He said. He pulled and object out of the bag and handed it to Matt, looking up into Matt's eyes, hoping for some kind of positive response. Matt stared at the plushie adorned with red hair. His heart swelled, "It's Gaara, from that show I watched at your house. I know how much you love him."

"Near. This is so sweet. I... I don't even know what to say. Thank you."

"I need to figure a way out of my situation. I don't want to be with him any more Matt. I've decided it. I want to be with you."

Matt pulled Near close to him, hugging him tightly, his heart instantly melting for the boy all over again.

"Please don't be mad at me?" Near said, his voice nearly about to crack at the last word.

"I'm not. I cant be mad at you. Call me if you need help. You can stay with me if you need to. I know it's a bit unconventional considering we've only had two dates but, you're incredibly special, and I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to be a burden on you Matt."

"Well you can either be a burden, which I don't think I would mind actually, or you can stay where you are now. The choice is yours. I cant make it for you."

Near nodded, withdrawing from Matt and walking from the room. Matt put the plushie in his locker and stared at it for a bit before closing the door and returning to his register.

Near returned home and sat around, wondering what he was going to do. He didn't want to break Mello's heart, even though he wasn't sure there was much of a heart to break. He also didn't want to break his own heart. Suddenly he couldn't see his life without Mello because he didn't know how to live life without him. Mello was right. What would he do without him?

2 years ago:

Near walked down the alley on his way home from school, his feet kicking around dried leaves. His head was down. His stomach and heart were still burning from earlier. He had been caught in the worst way possible. He felt so stupid for allowing this to happen to him, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help the way he felt.

He was in swimming class earlier practicing dives. He wasn't a particularly good swimmer but it was a required class, for what reason he couldn't fathom. He was standing in line, waiting for other boys to finish their dives when he let it happen. Mello was getting out of the pool, wearing a pair of blue speedos. Near stared at the blonde as his wet, perfect body glistened under the white stadium lighting. Everything about him was sensual, delicious. Near traced a line with his eyes down Mello's tan, lightly muscled chest, down to his flat stomach, the subtle bulge in his swimsuit, down his smooth thighs and legs to his flawless feet. He forgot where he was. Completely lost in a world where only the blonde existed. For a while Near had admired him from afar, but this is the first time he'd ever seen him this closely, this exposed.

He hadn't heard the laughs, or saw the stares from the other boys in the room. So used to being invisible, he was suddenly the center of attention, standing there with his face flushed and the tip of his hardness poking out from the waistband of his speedos.

"Look at Near! He's got a stiffie from watching Mello get out of the pool!"

The roar of laughter was shattering, echoing off the walls like splinters of glass hitting his ear drums all at once. He was frozen in place with his mouth hanging open. He locked eyes with Mello's deadpanned expression. In a fit of fear, almost out of instinct he jumped into the pool wanting to hide, to drown himself right there. He held himself underwater for an alarming amount of time, his tears invisibly mixing with the chlorinated water. He wanted to force himself to stay under, unable to face the taunts above the surface.

He felt a hand wrap around his arm, pulling him quickly upwards. Mr. Thomas, their swim coach brought Near quickly to the surface, holding his head above the water. Near gasped as the air hit his face, but he kept his eyes shut. The coach pulled him to the edge of the pool and made him get out of the water. The room fortunately was silent.

"Near go to the locker room right now. Everyone else stay here. If I hear a word each of you will be swimming laps after school." The coach said.

Near walked quickly through the locker room doors, frantically pulling a towel from a rack and drying his body and hair, fighting back a hard lump in his throat.

He already had his pants on when the coach entered.

"Near, where you looking at Mello in any particular way? In a way that caught the attention of the whole class?"

Near pretended to ignore him as he pulled his shirt on. It was becoming harder to fight, to hold back. He knew as soon as he opened his mouth it would be all over. He looked up at the coach as the first tear fell and then quickly stormed out of the room. Fortunately it was the last class of the day so he was able to go home right afterwards.

All he wanted was to crash into his bed and go to sleep, even though he knew he would have to face this the next day, he just wanted peace for a moment. He heard feet shuffling behind him in that alley and immediately his heart started to race.

"Oi! Yeah you, you white haired faggot! You like sucking dicks? Because I've got one for you." Someone called out behind Near.

Near was frozen in his tracks, the footsteps got louder and soon after he was surrounded.

"Please. I just want to go home." Near pleaded, keeping his head down.

Suddenly he felt an arm around his neck from behind placing him in a chokehold. He clawed at the arm desperately, and was met with a knee to the back causing him to cry out in pain and fall hard onto his knees, cutting them on the rough concrete. He was being held down from his shoulders as the boy who called out to him earlier approached while starting to unbuckle his belt.

"I'm not..I'm not going to do that to you. Please just let me go!" He begged, only to be responded to by a hard punch in the cheek. He tasted blood as the inside of his cheek was sliced open on his teeth, trickling out of the corner of his mouth slowly.

He stopped his approaches as Near heard another set of footsteps approaching.

"Mello! You wanna go first? He was checking you out afterall."

"Let him go." Near heard Mello reply before he entered view, bringing his face menacingly close to Near's assailant.

"You gonna let this pufta get away with it? He wants your ass!"

Mello wrapped his hand firmly around the boy's throat and spoke through gritted teeth.

"Let him bloody go." He hissed.

"Alright! Alright mate! Relax then! Aaron let him go." The assailant said, knowing Mello had quite the reputation despite his feminine appearance. He wasn't to be fucked with and everybody knew it.

Near was released, and he sat there in the same position trying to catch his breath, everything happening to him seemed like a nightmare.

"Now FUCK off!" Mello shouted, watching them disappear around the corner.

Mello walked over to Near and bent down to his level. Near wasn't sure how to face him. He didn't know if Mello just wanted nobody around so he could give him the beating of his life.

"Are you ok?" Mello asked.

Near didn't reply. He just continued to stare at the ground. He wasn't sure what hurt worse the physical pain or the embarrassment. Mello took his hand and helped him to his feet. His knees were screaming in pain.

"Thanks." He said weakly, looking up into Mello's eyes for the first time since he showed up.

"Where do you live?" Mello asked.

"Silver Cross."

"That's kind of far from here. My house is just around the corner. Let me take you there and help you get cleaned up. You've got blood running down your legs."

Near nodded quickly, biting his lip. He followed Mello a short distance to his house. He was relieved to find out his parents weren't home. He didn't want Mello to have to explain his appearance. Mello led Near to his room and sat him down on the bed. Near looked around the room nervously as Mello went to the bathroom to get some gauze pads and alcohol. Here he was, sitting on the bed of the boy he had a crush on and he didn't know why.

Mello re-entered the room with the first aid supplies, he placed them at Near's feet and examined the wounds through the torn holes in his pants.

"Near take your pants off. I cant see a thing though these little holes in your trousers." Mello said.

Near's heart almost leaped out of his mouth. He took his shoes off and fumbled with the button nervously, pulling his pants carefully down around his ankles and off his feet, showing red trails going down his legs and soaking into the elastic of his white socks. Mello opened a packet of gauze and lightly poured some alcohol in it.

"This is probably going to hurt." Mello said before placing the gauze on one of his bloodied knees.

Near cried out through gritted teeth as the alcohol hit the open would. Mello placed his hand on Near's thigh and rubbed slowly in a comforting fashion.

_Why is he being so nice to me?_

Satisfied Near's left knee was disinfected enough, he put a band-aid over it and then moved to the right knee, causing Near to cry out in pain all over again, but soon enough it was all over. He then cleaned the dripped blood from his legs before standing up and putting the cap back on the bottle.

Near didn't know what to think at this point, but figured Mello couldn't be too mad at him if he was caring for him in this way. He had to say something though, everything just seemed so awkward.

"Mello. I'm....I'm sorry about earlier." Near said.

"It's quite alright. I'm not cross with you." He replied.

"You're not?"

Mello put the alcohol down on the table and sat next to Near on the bed. Near was expecting him to say something. He was not, however expecting Mello to kiss him. Mello leaned into Near and kissed him gently placing a hand on his shoulder. Near's eyes were as wide as saucers, that is until he felt Mello's breath on his cheek. He closed his eyes gently and placed his hand on Mello's cheek as Mello softly sucked on his lower lip. Near's body responded instantly. Mello slowly moved his hand away from Near's shoulder and down the front of his shirt, feeling the boy's heart beat so hard he could almost hear it. He moved his hand lower and rubbed his hand on the tent that Near was making in his underwear.

"Mmmmff!" Near moaned into Mello's mouth.

Mello pulled away for a second but still kept himself no more than an inch from Near's face.

"Have you ever?" Mello asked. Near shook his head in reply.

Mello kissed him again, this time harder, pressing his tongue inside of Near's mouth. He felt Near becoming limp in his arms as he succumbed to the pleasure. Mello slowly removed Near's shirt leaving his pale flesh exposed before pushing him down onto the bed without breaking their kiss. He started to slowly kiss his neck and and chest. Slowly moving downwards to his stomach. Near was whimpering, his body shivering at the sensations he had never felt before. Mello pulled Near's underwear down and wrapped his hand around his erection before putting it in his mouth and sucking on it deep and hard.

"Aahhh!! Mello!" Near cried out, grabbing handfuls of the blanket.

Mello continued to work him, the only sound audible in the room was a lewd slurping sound and the high pitched grunts escaping from Near's lips. It was over as quickly as it started as Near cried out in ecstasy, emptying himself into Mello's mouth, leaving him breathless.

Near stayed by Mello's side from that point on. Nobody in school would bother him anymore, and everyone knew what was going on. It made Near feel uncomfortable, knowing that while they wouldn't dare taunt him anymore, they most certainly were talking behind his back. Everybody in school knew, and it didn't take long before it reached the faculty too. Rather than confront them directly about it, they placed calls to Near and Mello's parents.

Near walked through the front door of his foster parent's home, dropping his books on the coffee table in the living room. His foster mother was standing there in the hallway leaning up against the wall. Her look was of utter disgust.

"Received a call from school today." She said flatly. Near knew it definitely wasn't about his grades, which were always perfect. He blushed, knowing what was coming next.

"Oh? What about?"

"Your involvement with a boy named Mello." She said, Near looked down at the ground. He didn't need the indignity of confirming it, "Had we known this about you we would never have accepted you into our good Christian home."

"I didn't even know this about me." Near replied.

"You turn 18 in three weeks. At which point you're going to have to leave. Until then I only want you in your room. I don't want you touching anything else in the rest of the house. You'll eat off of plastic plates. God only knows what you're carrying."

Near fought back the tears as the family he'd known and trusted for the past 2 years turned on him in an instant, thinking he was some disease carrying whore, and no longer the sweet innocent boy who got picked on constantly and just wanted to be accepted for who he is.

He ran up the stairs to his room, collapsing on his bed in a heap, and crying softly into his pillow. He had no where to go. Not with only 3 weeks notice, and being 18 he couldn't go back to another orphanage. He did the only thing he could do. He picked up the telephone, and dialed Mello's house, hoping he'd be the one to answer.

"Hello?" Mello's voice.

"Mello!" Near cried, trying his hardest to make his voice understandable, "They've found out about us. My foster parents... I'm getting kicked out when I turn 18. What am I going to do? Did they call your parents too?"

There was silence on the line for a while.

"They know, Near. They're not speaking to me. I don't care. I turn 18 in only ten days, and I have a fund that I can access when I turn of age. We'll find a place to stay until school's over. I want my fucking diploma. That school owes me that much after this. When we graduate from this shithole, we're going to New York where we can be ourselves, where nobody will look at us the wrong way. We'll go to school, and make something of ourselves."

Near trusted Mello as he always protected him. They didn't have terribly much in common, and they didn't really talk very much actually, but Near needed him. He had nothing else.

A/N:

See? Mello _was_ nice to Near at some point. Not sure what happened to him to make him this much of a jerk, and I'm the one who wrote it lol. Sadly this story is nearing it's end as well. One, maybe 2 more chapters. We'll see if I come up with any worthwhile ideas in the meantime that will make it longer. I really don't want to end it so soon but I'm out of material. Thanks for all the reviews, and you haven't reviewed yet please do so. I very much appreciate it.

Oh, and I put up a poll on my profile page. Just out of random curiosity because I really wonder what percentage of my readers are girls vs. guys. Obviously there are more girls XD, but as a guy I tend to feel a bit outnumbered :).


	6. I Own You

A/N: I wrote this part since I don't feel I really explained exactly why Mello is the way he is. Some of you had it all figured out (very perceptive!!) but I think we need to go into his past a little bit.

Chapter 6 "I own you"

5 years ago:

Mello dropped his schoolbag near the front door as he removed his shoes after a typical day at school. As he walked down the hallway of his parent's luxurious home, he could hear the familiar sounds of his parents arguing. It was so frequent that it often woke him up at night. But this time was different, because he could his mother just as loudly as his father's bellowing voice.

This variation from the norm is what frightened him, whereas he normally would just go to his room and put some headphones on. His father, Alek Kheel, was not to be defied, but it seemed his mother was doing just that. It was then, with one foot on the stairway, and one hand on the banister that he heard it.

"Smack!"

His blood ran cold at the sound. His hand shook, unable to decide if he should just run upstairs to his room or interfere. The pained wail that followed made his decision. He ran down the hallway and pushed the door open into the kitchen.

"Now you'll think twice before you raise your voice to me!" His father said in his thick Russian accent.

"Mom!" Mello called out almost involuntarily as he attempted to run to his mother's aid, who was laying on the floor, face scratched and bleeding by the thick gold ring on Alek's finger. He was halted by words and words alone.

"Mihael. Don't you dare step any closer to her, because I'll make you regret it."

"Mello! Don't defy your father." She sobbed.

"What did I tell you about calling him that queer name!" Alek said through gritted teeth, wrapping his hand around her hair and pulling her even closer to the ground, she screamed in protest, "You see this Mihael? This is a dog. Now what are you Mihael? Are you a dog too? Show me."

Mello's upper lip started to quiver as he fought back the tears, because he knew it would be all over the second he showed any weakness. It was too late. The first tear had fallen. Alek backhanded Mello hard, the same as he had done to his mother, and then pushed him down onto the floor next to her.

"Alek! Please don't hit him! He's our boy!"

"Shut up! Now Mihael, I ask you again. Are you a dog?"

Mello sat there in a crumpled position. He didn't know how to answer. One way meant going against his mother, the other, his father. The fear gripped him so tightly, anticipating the next painful blow, that he blurted his answer before anything else could happen. He just wanted to go to his room and shut himself inside.

"No."

Alex grabbed Mello by his long-shoulder length blonde hair and held him up to stare at his mother's face.

"If you're not a dog, then show me. Spit on this dog."

"What?!"

Alek tightened the grip on Mello's hair, hurting him.

"Spit!"

Mello closed his eyes, and spit. He could hear his mother crying now at this final act of indignity. He dared not open his eyes now. Not after this. Alek released him.

"Go to your room Mihael." He said.

Mello turned around and raced up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him. He paced around, his heart racing, running his nervous hands through his hair. He heard more shouting from downstairs, which prompted him to turn the stereo on to drown it out. He couldn't listen to it anymore. He collapsed on his bed, and placed the pillow over his ears, hoping to fall asleep quickly, wanting to escape this reality as fast as possible.

Later on that night Mello went downstairs to find his father sitting at the kitchen counter with a half empty bottle of vodka.

"Father?"

His father raised his eyebrow, but didn't look in Mello's direction. Warily, Mello approached and faced him from the other side of the counter.

"What do you want Mihael?"

"Do you love Mom?"

"There's no such thing as love Mihael. What people call love is actually ownership. It's when someone belongs to you. You use them as you see fit, and when you own something that doesn't do what it's supposed to do anymore, you sometimes need to correct it."

Mello sat in silence while he tried to process his father's slurred words.

"Do you love me?"

"There is no love Mello. It doesn't exist. You have to decide which side to be on, which one is the path of least resistance, and I can promise you that you'd want to be on my side of things."

Mello felt a chill go up his spine. He left and went back to his room, but from that point on he heeded his father's words well. It's what needed to be done for him to survive.

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It was always on the tip of his tongue, just not able to leap off of it. While he still fulfilled his obedient role, Near felt the fear rise up inside of him every time he looked into Mello's eyes. This wasn't going to be pretty. He could almost still feel Mello's hand wrapped around his neck the last time he resisted him with just the mere mention of going astray.

Mello was at work this particular day, and Near sat at the breakfast table for what seemed like hours, just staring somewhere between the oven and the floor, envisioning Mello's reaction. He almost jumped out of his chair when the phone rang. It was Matt.

"Hello?"

"_Hey it's me. How are you doing? Did you tell him yet?" _

"No. I cant. I just cant do it."

"_Are you having second thoughts? Do you still love him?_"

"No. I don't. I'm just afraid."

"_You know I love you right?" _

"You do?"

"_I'll say it again. I love you Near." _

Near felt his voice choke up as an overwhelming emotion took control over him. Those three words. They meant everything to him. He might have heard those words from Mello before, but he couldn't remember when. Actually he couldn't remember if Mello had ever said it to him at all.

"I love you too." He replied, his sniffling audible over the phone.

"_Do you want to meet me for lunch?_"

"Ok."

Near left the apartment and met Matt at a nearby cafe. He explained to Matt that there's a good possibility Mello would react violently, and that he was simply afraid of him knowing he wouldn't be able to defend himself. He was much smaller than Mello and not particularly strong.

"Do you want me to be there when you tell him?" Matt suggested.

"That might be a bit awkward, Matt. Besides I'd be concerned for your safety as well as mine. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he hurt you." Near said.

"I wouldn't worry about it. He seems to be about my size. I can probably defend both of us against him if I had to."

Near placed his fingers against the bridge of his nose.

"Matt, back in England when Mello and I were in school, he had quite a reputation for violence. Boys twice his size were afraid of him."

"Now I definitely don't want you alone with him when you tell him. Why don't you just move out while he's at work?" Matt sat back in his seat with a concerned look in his eyes.

"I suppose I can do that. I'll have to confront him eventually however."

"Well we'll make it in a public place, he should be far less likely to do anything insane with people around."

Near started to feel a bit of nausea as the potential scene played in his mind. He couldn't imagine how he would react. He was terrified and part of him wanted to get this idea out of his head and go back to the way things were. He wasn't that unhappy was he? He thought. He answered his own question as quickly as he asked it.

"I'll think about it. We'll do this soon, I promise. I just need to think about the right way to do it." Near said.

Matt leaned forwards and caressed the side of Near's porcelain-like face gently, his fragility becoming even more apparent. He didn't want him to go home that day even, but that would probably make things a bit worse. He figured he could borrow him for a little while though.

"Wanna come back to my place for a little bit?" Matt said, raising his eyebrows flirtatiously.

"Sure." Near said, his face turning a shade of pink. He smiled sheepishly at Matt as he took his hand and left.

A/N: Annnnd... that' was chapter 6. I never had an abusive upbringing (fortunately) so I'm not sure how realistic my portrayal of Mello's past seems. Personally I think it's a bit contrived, but hopefully it gets the point across. I've been a bit lazy with my writing lately. My latest obsession is the Sims 2, and it's potential for making my own yaoi drama XD. I downloaded some anime characters into it and I've been having waaaay too much fun. So far I've got Naruto and Gaara married and living in a house together. Somehow Naru got pregnant, and the baby has Gaara's eyes... I named it Gaaruto XD.. So that wasn't enough drama for me, so I moved the leading male cast of Death Note into the house next door. I've got Mello, Matt, Near, L, and Light all under one roof :). Naru and Gaara already came by to visit, and with no intervention from me, Matt has the hots for Gaara, and Near dreams about Naruto at night, and L and Light cant keep their hands off each other. Cant wait to see what develops... should be scandalous XDDDDDD.


	7. Breaking Point

Chapter 7: "Breaking Point"

Water crashed against the window like a pile of chains being slapped against the glass. Like a sign from some deity, Near knew today just wasn't going to go well. He was nervous as all hell. He couldn't sleep a wink last night, laying silently in bed, eyes wide staring at the ceiling. Listening to the rising and falling of Mello's breaths over and over again. The sleeping beast, who he was going to poke with a stick.

Mello had left as usual, however not without cursing the weather out loud beforehand. The weather report had called for several inches of rain that day, and the day had just barely begun. Near laid in bed and watched a trickle of water seep down the window frame onto the windowsill, running off of it and landing on the ground with an audible drip. The sound repeated. Over and over again. It sounded like a needle poking his eardrum after a while. He was almost too terrified to get out of bed, thinking of the hours ahead.

Unable to stand the sound of the water dripping any longer, he hurled himself out of bed and went to take a shower, trying to figure out what he could do to procrastinate. Toweled off and dressed, he stared around the bedroom reluctant to take the first step to independence.

He opened a dresser drawer and turned it upside down on the bed. The neatly folded pile of clothing falling over haphazardly. The quicker he got this over with, the quicker he could begin to forget, he told himself. It had just then occurred to him that he had nothing to put his belongings into. He couldn't very well carry his entire wardrobe, small as it may be, and his books, shoes, toiletries, and other odds and ends in a bundle in his arms. He looked at the window, as the rain splashed against it once more, mocking him.

_Just a couple of cardboard boxes, the store right down the street_.

He put on his shoes and grabbed an umbrella from a closet and headed out the door, hoping to make it there and back without his umbrella turning completely inside out, or the wind carrying his small body away.

The downpour was ferocious. Near had hardly made it halfway up the street before a gust of wind not only turned his umbrella inside out, but ripped it from his hands and took it away. He watched in dismay as it bounded down the street comically, disappearing around a corner. It was no use at this point, as he was drenched in a matter of moments. He began to jog quickly to his destination, as if he couldn't get any more wet than he already was.

The store was a typical Brooklyn variety store. Specializing in nothing in particular, but the first place you check for anything. Cardboard boxes couldn't be too much to ask for, he thought. He wandered the narrow aisles, his shoes making squishing noises, hoping this was the only stop he'd have to make. Near breathed a sigh of relief as he happened across a plastic wrapped 3 pack of flat-packed cardboard boxes for $5.99. Figuring 3 boxes would be enough to hold his small inventory of belongings, he grabbed the package and waited on line. It seemed as if everyone was buying an umbrella that day. He smirked, knowing firsthand the futility. The line was long however, and he was actually starting to get cold, his soaked white shirt clinging to his pale skin, giving it an almost pink appearance.

He wondered if the boxes would even fit in Matt's tiny car. He reached for his pants pocket to grab his phone, and found nothing. Panic set in. He didn't know if he had just dropped it in the middle of the street or simply forgot it at home. It was his lifeline, as they had no landline in the apartment, and he was anxious to just pay for his boxes and leave.

Finally it was his turn, and after paying he raced home even quicker, no longer concerned about simply getting soaked. His eyes scanned the sidewalk for his phone, which would probably be useless at this point even if he did find it. He reached the apartment building. Out of breath, and shoes squishing once again, he trudged up the stairs with the plastic wrapped cardboard clutched to his side.

He fumbled with his keys as he opened the door, keeping his head down as he carefully kicked off his shoes and closed the door behind him. His heart nearly came to a stop as he spotted Mello sitting on the couch, holding Near's phone in his hand, staring at the screen angrily. Near let the boxes fall to the floor, his slippery fingers sliding on the plastic on their way down causing a long squeaking sound to break the silence.

Mello turned to Near, still holding the device in front of him. His eyes were cold and searing hot at the same time. He looked back to the phone, and in a low-steady tone read from the screen.

"My sheets still smell like you. It's wonderful. Matt."

Near opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He had nothing to say. Mello suddenly threw the phone unbelievably hard at the wall behind Near, showering him with splinters of plastic. He rose from the couch slowly, coldly and took his first step in Near's direction.

"Mello..." Near's voice quivered.

Before he could get another word out Mello grabbed a handful of Near's hair and pulled him hard to the center of the room.

"You motherfucker. You filthy slag. I'm out breaking my ass and you're getting fucked all day behind my back."

"Mello.. Stop please, you're hurting me." Near pleaded, he struggled to get away but Mello grabbed his wrist and pinned it behind him hard, increasing the pressure until it gave way with a snap, causing him to scream in pain, "My wrist! Mello please don't hurt me!!!"

Mello paused for a brief moment before turning Near to face him, and then punching him squarely in the face. Near collapsed on the ground, dazed and half conscious. He was fairly disconnected to his own body, something he was thankful for, because while he detected blow after blow to his body, he could barely feel them. For a moment everything was white and fuzzy, and the only sounds to be heard was a cacophonous white noise. He was somewhere else for a moment, oblivious to what was happening to him.

When he came to, he realized he was still laying on the floor. His mouth tasted of blood. He took a deep breath and was met by a shooting pain in his side. He heard Mello behind him pacing.

"Mello... You don't love me, you can't possibly." Near stated,

"You're right. I don't. I hate you." Mello replied simply.

"I'm leaving you Mello. I'm leaving right now."

"You're not fucking going anywhere Near. I own you. You owe everything to me. You owe your whole life to me. You're not leaving me ever," Mello said while Near tried to push himself off the floor, but collapsed once again at the stabbing pain from what probably was a broken rib, "So how is he? Your new boyfriend? How does he make you feel? Does he tell you you're special? That you're beautiful?"

"Yes." Near already knew it was the wrong answer as the words left his lips. He was better off staying silent.

"You're not special. You're not beautiful. You're stupid, and naïve. You're short, scrawny and bizarre looking. You're too stupid to realize when you're being taken advantage of. That's why you need me."

"Fuck you Mello." Near spat.

Mello grabbed Near's hair again and picked him up from the ground with it, shoving him hard face first onto the couch. He pulled down Near's pants before dropping his own.

"Mello...No! Please!"

Mello wrapped his arm around Near's neck in a chokehold and pulled hard while he pushed his dry member into Near. He had started to scream, but was quickly silenced as Mello increased the pressure at his throat. His screams turned into scratchy gurgling noises as his airway closed. He couldn't breathe. He grabbed frantically at Mello's arm, which only made him squeeze on his neck harder and enter him deeper. The pain his body was feeling all over was unbearable and he started to feel himself slip from this world once again, the lack of oxygen to his brain making everything turn a fuzzy white. It happened so quickly that there wasn't enough time for him to comprehend that he was dying.

Mello, consumed with rage, punishing Near with everything he had didn't hear the door open behind him. He wasn't expecting the blow to his head that sent him hurtling backwards onto the coffee table. Matt stood there holding the heavy flashlight he had just hit Mello with, staring down at him. He looked over in horror at Near, who was unconscious and laying in a particularly undignified position on the couch. He pulled his pants up as best as he could and checked for breathing. Near was alive, but his breaths were so shallow, Matt knew something was seriously wrong and he needed help immediately. He grabbed his phone and started to dial 911 when he felt a sudden strong kick to his side, making the phone leap from his hands and slide across the floor.

Mello was no longer stunned, and after the kick that got Matt out of the way, he got up from the coffee table and pulled his pants back up. He stared at Matt with bloodlust in his eyes. Matt's grasp tightened around the aluminum flashlight, knowing it was going to take probably more than one blow to put Mello down.

"How could you treat him this way!" Matt said.

"It's none of your business, now you're going to leave or I'm going to kill you."

"I'm not going anywhere until Near comes with me! He needs to go to the hospital! What did you do to him?"

"The same thing I'm going to do to you." Mello said, lunging at Matt, his hands wrapping around the redhead's throat. Knowing Mello couldn't pin his arms down or disarm him, he suffered through the sensation of being choked for a few moments until the perfect opportunity came. Using whatever dwindling energy he had left, he swung the flashlight as hard as he could, striking Mello directly in the temple. He could feel Mello go limp instantly, his hands falling from Matt's throat.

Matt kicked Mello off of him hard, making the blonde fall backwards onto the floor. With newfound anger Matt straddled him, Mello's lack of consciousness making no difference to him.

"You piece of shit! People like you deserve to die!" Matt screamed, punctuating each sentence with a strong punch to Mello's face, "Near never deserved to be hurt by you. I'm going to make you feel all the pain that he's had to feel over the years," Matt's punches became more frequent as his words came out faster. He was turning Mello's face into pulp. Tired out and out of breath, he crawled off of him. His bloodied fist was shaking. He needed to get his phone quickly and call an ambulance for Near, and now for Mello too. He didn't know what repercussions this would have for him now that the police would be involved, but he didn't want murder to be one of them.

He retrieved his phone from the other end of the room.

"_911 what's your emergency?"_

"My boyfriend...Someone...someone tried to kill him... and I think I might have killed them," Matt was barely understandable as he started to hyperventilate and become lightheaded. He sat down on the floor almost involuntarily.

_"Sir, where are you located?"_

"284 Banker Street. Top floor." Matt replied, before letting the phone slide out of his hand and onto the floor.

Matt took a deep breath and tried to get a hold of himself, he had to see if Near was ok. He pushed himself up off the floor and with shaky legs made his way over to the couch where Near was still laying face down, a trickle of blood running from his mouth and staining the cushion below. He knelt down next to him as a flood of tears ran from his eyes. Near's face was badly bruised, his left eye was swollen shut, there were marks around his neck from where Mello had strangled him. Matt wrapped his arms around Near carefully and held him, whispering every love filled thought that came to his frantic mind. He thought of going back to Mello and finishing the job, taking his life from him when he heard footsteps outside. The door swung open, and an army of uniformed men entered.

"Let go of him and stand up. Keep your hands in the air." The police officer commanded.

Matt carefully removed his embrace from Near and did as he was told. EMT's immediately rushed over to him and to Mello.

"I'm the one who called. He was about to kill him. He was raping him too. I only attacked him to make him stop but then he went after me too..."

"Turn around and put your hands behind your back." The officer said.

"Please you have to believe me..." Matt pleaded.

The officer forcefully turned Matt around and wrenched his Matt's hands behind him before binding them in handcuffs.

"With no other witnesses, you're currently the first suspect. Until we can clear the whole situation, and get the first person accounts from both of the victims here, I'm afraid I'm going to have to place you under arrest. Nothing personal, this is just procedure."

"Excuse me, is he going to be ok?" Matt asked the paramedic who was working on Near.

"His vitals are extremely weak, and his nervous system isn't responding. We need to get him to the ER immediately."

Matt thought he was going to be sick as the officer dragged him from the apartment.

"Near!!" He cried out, being pulled into the hallway, "please be ok..."

A/N: I came up with a few interesting ideas which should make this story a bit longer, which is good because I don't want it to end too soon either. And yet again, for some reason, Near is horribly injured in one of my fics. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me XD. I'll cuddle with my Near plushie tonight when I go to bed to make it up to him. Please don't forget to review...k? Thnx.


	8. Prime Suspect

A/N: Sorry this update took so long. The long and short of it is that I'm in love, and nearly every spare moment I've had has been spent with my amazingly wonderful boyfriend. But I've started writing again recently, and the updates should come sooner. This story is _almost_ finished anyway so I'll probably be coming up with ideas for my next one. Please enjoy and please review! Thanks.

So Let Yourself Down Tonight- Chapter 8

Matt sat with his back against the cold steel wall of the holding cell, his knees drawn to his chin defensively. He wasn't concerned with the unsavory characters locked in the cell with him, who fortunately seemed to be leaving him alone. He couldn't pay them any mind as he stared straight ahead through the steel bars, that last image of Near's unconscious body and the haunting words of the EMT playing over and over again in his mind. His thought he was going to crawl out of his own skin as the anxiety smothered him.

He was glad he decided to go to the apartment. Running off of instinct alone, he knew something was wrong when Near didn't answer his phone. He's glad he didn't wait it out and try again later, something told him there was trouble and it was right. He only wished he had gotten there moments sooner. Near would never have had to endure the things he did. Matt rested his head on his knees as the tears started to fall from his eyes, the pain of knowing the one he loved more than anything in the world was in a hospital clinging desperately to life after being savagely attacked.

"Jeevas. Up and front."

Matt raised his head and stared at the police officer through blurred eyes. He stood up carefully and let his hands fall to their sides. There was a clink sound as the gate was unlocked before being slid open.

_Near must've told them everything that happened, and they're letting me go. _

The officer stepped inside and placed handcuffs on Matt's wrists before leading him outside.

"Wait... you're not letting me go?" Matt asked.

"Right this way please." The officer responded, pulling him along as if his last question wasn't heard.

Matt was led to the interrogation room, where he was sat down at a table directly across from a large mirror, just like one would see on TV. The officer left the room and closed the door behind him, leaving Matt alone to wonder. Matt realized he needed to call someone, that this was beyond what he was capable of handling. He immediately thought of his brother.

"Hey! I'd like my phone call now! HEY!" He shouted, only to be returned with dead silence.

Several minutes later the door opened and a man with a mustache and a cheap suit entered, a walking cliché, and sat down across from him.

"So... I assume you know why you're here right now don't you?"

"Yes I know. The boy with the white hair, have you heard how he's doing? Is he awake? Is he going to be ok?"

"Your priorities are a bit screwed up for someone facing murder charges."

"What? M—Murder??"

"The blonde who's face you turned into hamburger. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital."

Matt felt his skin turn cold and clammy as a wave of nausea overcame him. He turned his head and vomited into a nearby wastepaper basket, realizing that he had taken a human life, even thought it was a most undeserving one. He also knew that he was in huge trouble.

"Near.... Near will tell you everything that happened."

"Near is in a coma, which puts you in an interesting predicament. One can look at it this way, you came in and murdered them both. The two of them had an established residency together for a few years, which makes you an outsider...an intruder. So until the victim wakes up and tells us otherwise, you're in a bit of a situation. Do you want to explain what happened?"

Matt was about to tell the investigator the whole story, but thought better of it. He'd seen enough Law and Order to know that now is the point where he should keep his mouth shut.

"I'd like my phone call please."

James rushed through the front door of the police precinct and approached the front desk.

"You have my brother here. Matt Jeevas."

The officer, likely miffed that he was stuck with desk duty, didn't even look up from his desk. Instead he calmly opened a notebook and thumbed through slowly and deliberately. James' nails dug into his palms at the display of arrogance.

"He's in the interrogation room right now. I'll page the detective handling his case."

James felt himself go pale.

_Please keep your mouth shut Matt. Whatever you did, just keep your mouth shut_

The detective approached James with a fake smile that he could see through from a mile away.

"You're the family of the the suspect, Jeevas?"

"What's going on with my brother? What is he being charged with."

"Right now he's the prime suspect of a murder that occurred last night where he was found at the scene. We've got a weapon with his prints on it, and another person who is in a coma right now. He may be charged with the brutal attack on that person as well."

James' complexion went pale as the words hit his eardrums. His baby brother, being charged with murder. It was inconceivable. His voice failed him as he felt the room get smaller. Murder.

"May I have a few moments please. I need to call someone." James said, trying his best to stay composed.

"Absolutely. I hope you're calling an attorney." The detective replied before walking back inside.

James sat down on a bench in the waiting area, gripping is phone tightly. He did not want to be the one to make this call, but he knew there was nobody else, and that there was no easy way to do it. He flipped the phone open and placed the call. It rang twice, and then was answered.

"Mom?"

It was even worse than he envisioned. He expected her to freak out, to panic, or start screaming. Instead she was deadly silent. Her cold tone sent a shiver up his spine and he felt an uncontrollable wave of guilt wash over him, despite the fact that it wasn't him that was in trouble. He couldn't sit still any longer. He had to do something. He had to see his brother. James approached the desk.

"I need to see my brother."

"I'm afraid that's not possible. He can only be seen by an attorney, especially considering the nature of the charges."

"Fuck!" James shouted as he turned around and paced the room, pulling at his hair nervously.

What seemed like hours later, when in reality it was barely more than 30 minutes, his frantic mother passed through the door.

"Mom..." James said but was interrupted.

"What's happening? What's happening to Matt?" She said, nearly hyperventilating.

It had upset James to see his mother in this state. Lydia Jeevas, normally carried a stern, ineffectual appearance in public supported by a no nonsense appearance.

"I don't know Mom, they wont tell me anything else. Where's Dad?"

"He's parking the car." Lydia pressed her fingers to her forehead and closed her eyes, "Murder. My little boy is being charged with murder. James what are you not telling me? What's been going on in his life? You live with him. You need to tell me."

"Mom, sit down."

James and Lydia sat down on the worn wooden bench. He hated that he had to be the one to do this. He always believed it was Matt's choice if and when to tell, but at this point things were to serious. He just hoped Matt would forgive him.

"I have a feeling I know what happened. I believe Matt might have killed this person in self defense, or perhaps to protect someone else who's very important to him." James said. He was mincing words at this point, trying to delay the inevitable for as long as he could.

"Come on James, stop being so vague. Who is this person that he was trying to protect?"

"His boyfriend."

His mother gasped. It definitely wasn't the answer she was expecting. Her mouth opened to speak, and then closed again. She did this twice, words failing her. Her mind was bombarded with conflicting feelings and emotions, and for a brief moment, she felt herself getting lightheaded. Robert Jeevas entered the room and grasped her arm, the sudden touch snapping her back to reality.

"Do we know anything? I've already contacted our family attorney, he should be here in an hour." He asked, staring curiously at their pensive expressions.

"Robert? James has some things to explain to us." Lydia said, her burning stare directed at James.

Matt was left in isolation in the interrogation room for longer than seemed reasonable. The room was silent save for the incessant "tick, tick" of an old wall clock behind him. He glared at the one-way mirror in his peripheral vision, feeling like a lab rat. He remained expressionless, afraid that any emotion could be construed as a form of guilt. He wouldn't know which emotion to show anyway. Fear of the situation he was in, and the fact that Near was clinging to life in a hospital? Anger for Mello pushing him to that point? Guilt for taking his life? He didn't know what to think. He could only count on his brother right now, and he was almost certain his parents knew what was going on right now. His stomach sank even further at the realization.

"Why didn't you tell us any of this, James?" His father said in a flat controlled tone.

"It's not my place to tell you! Matt was going to tell you when he was ready, but now there's no point in hiding it. Dad your son, my brother is gay. Fucking deal with it. Now is not the time to have a crisis over it. He needs our help and support."

"And why wont this 'Near' boy come forward and tell the police what happened?" Lydia asked.

James' mind flashed to the worried sound of his brother's voice on the phone earlier.

_"and Near's in the hospital right now. He's in a coma and I'm worried sick. I don't know what I'm going to do if anything happens to him. I cant even worry about myself right now because all I can think about is him. He's all alone!" _

_"_Near was a victim in all of this as well. He's in a coma and obviously is unable to offer his account," James felt his stomach nearly turn inside out as he put himself in Matt's shoes for a moment, realizing the anxiety his brother must be facing had to be staggering. He got up from the chair, "I need to go for a walk to clear my head. I'm sure you have much to talk about anyway."

James left the precinct, headed for his car and drove the short distance to Kings County hospital. Walking in through the main entrance he strode quickly to the information desk.

"I'm looking for a patient that was brought into the ER by ambulance today. His name is Near. I don't know his last name unfortunately, but I imagine you don't have many people here with that first name."

The woman behind the desk typed on her keyboard for what seemed like an unusually long time. Near is only four letters after all, James thought.

"3rd floor, ICU. See the nurses station to find out if he's allowed visitors."

"Thanks."

James briskly walked to the elevator and punched the call button, tapping his foot anxiously. He didn't know why he was in such a hurry. He guessed he just needed to see the person who captivated his brother's heart enough to land him in this situation.

He entered the elevator and pushed the "3" button and exhaled deeply as it whisked him upwards. He exited and headed straight for the nurses station. There was was only one female nurse there who was busy examining a clipboard.

"Excuse me. I was hoping you could help me. I'm here to see a patient named Near. I was told at the information desk that he's in the ICU."

"Are you family?" She said, looking at James over her reading glasses that were slung low on her nose.

"Not exactly. He doesn't have any family. But I need to see him."

The nurse took off her glasses and put them and her clipboard down on the desk. She's had to tell this to countless people, but she could tell just from the look in his eye that James wasn't going away easily.

"We only allow family to visit patients in the ICU." She stated flatly.

It was a last resort and James felt dirty even doing it, but sometimes you need to make things happen by any means necessary. He stuck his hand in his pocket inconspicuously and pulled something out. He held it folded between his fingers and then raised his hand above the nurses station, bringing his hand underneath his chin. Just enough of the crisp $100 bill was visible for her to notice. She gave him a dirty stare, but then opened a desk drawer and pulled out an visitors pass.

"I'm going to hand this pass to you. You're looking for room 7A." She said.

James gingerly took it from her while sliding the money underneath it with his index finger. She expertly scrunched it up in her palm like a magician. Nobody could possibly ever notice the transaction. He affixed the pass to his shirt, amazed that his pathetic stunt actually worked, reinforcing his belief that "money talks, bullshit walks".

"Thank you." He said and walked away.

He walked quietly down the hallway, trying to tune out the melody of beeping noises and horrific gurgling sounds emitted from some of the gravely ill patients. He finally found it. He approached the open doorway and entered slowly, fixing his eyes on the white haired boy who was lying as peacefully as someone with what appeared to be tubes coming out of every part of his body could.

He stared at Near's angelic form contemplatively. So this is him, he thought. This is Near. He looked at the chart affixed to the foot of the bed. He was no doctor, and he couldn't make sense of half of what was written there. He made it a point to ask the Nurse on his way out what his prognosis was.

He sat down next to the bed and stared, knowing that this boy meant the world to Matt. He decided to do what Matt would have wanted to do. To do what Near deserved, or needed at this time. He didn't know him from a can of paint, but it was without hesitation that he took Near's hand gently into his own, circling his amazingly smooth and milk-like skin with his thumb.

"Hi Near. You don't know me. I'm Matt's brother James. Matt isn't able to be here right now so I came to see you. I know he wouldn't have wanted you to be alone. I wish I had gotten to know you better before. You must be amazing because I've never seen my brother like this. He loves you more than anything in the world. He needs help though. He's in trouble and you're the only one who can help him. I'm hoping you can hear me, because Matt is going to go away for a long time unless you can tell the police what really happened. He needs you. We all need you to wake up Near,"

James jumped slightly as he felt Near grasp his hand weakly. He held his breath, staring intently at Near for a change in his condition. The grasp slackened, and his facial expression remained unchanged. He decided to just keep talking,

"You know I'm the only one in our family that knows Matt is gay, well at least up until now. He told me years ago, in fact. He had a crush on some guy when he was in the ninth grade, and he just flat out told me so one day when I picked him up from school, like it was nothing. I felt so honored that he trusted me enough to share that with me. That he said it to me without hesitation. I didn't act surprised, even though I was, but I vowed to protect him from that point on, and once I got my own place I offered to have him come live with me because I knew he needed to be himself. I knew that he deserved to be happy, and that a warm and genuine person like himself was going to make somebody very happy one day. I can tell just by looking at you that you're perfect for him. He wants you back. I want you to be a part of our family. I need you to fight whatever's holding you down right now. That other guy, Mello will never hurt you again. I can promise you that. You don't have to be afraid. You can live the life you and Matt have always dreamed of."

James thought he heard a quiet whimper noise from Near. It was barely audible, and he wasn't sure what he heard exactly. He also didn't notice the nurse he bribed earlier standing in the doorway.

"I cant let you stay here all night. It was kind of risky to let you in here to begin with. Are you done? Because the shifts are about to change, and you really need to disappear." She said, scanning up and down the hallway nervously.

James nodded, and gently released Near's hand. He wondered how long she'd been standing there, how much she'd heard. He gestured at the chart.

"How is he doing? Will he come out of this?"

"He's stable for the most part. Most of his injuries are non-life threatening. Some broken bones which will heal, and no damage was done to his esophagus. Despite the fact that his brain was deprived of oxygen for a short while he's responding well to neurological exams. This all looks good, but he's in a coma and it's unclear when he's going to come out of it. It will just happen naturally, but there's really no physiological reason why he wont wake up. So just have hope." She said.

James got up from the chair and took one last look at the unconscious boy before walking past the nurse and down the hallway. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, and took one deep breath to get control over himself. He headed back to the police precinct where he still found his parents, joined with a middle-aged man wearing a double-breasted suit. James approached them but stayed silent for the time being.

"They're going to let me see him shortly. The first thing I need to do is get his side of the story of course. Robert, if I were you I'd start preparing to post bail. Given the nature of the charges I'd expect it to be a fairly large amount."

James watched as his father stood there in silence, completely at a loss for words. He couldn't believe everything that had happened in a few short hours. Sadly what was worrying him more than the fact that his son was in jail and being charged with murder, is that Matt is gay. Robert himself couldn't understand why he was feeling that way, but he couldn't get it out of his mind and focus on the more pertinent issue. Just the idea of his son with another man made his stomach start to turn.

"Dad, snap out of it. There's more important things to be thinking about right now." James said sharply, knowing his father well enough to know what was going on in his head.

Robert glared at his son for a brief moment before responding to the lawyer.

"We're going to go home until the arraignment tomorrow morning. There's nothing we can do until then."

"Robert! We're not going anywhere! We should be here for Matt!" Lydia shouted.

Robert waved his hand dismissively as he walked away.

"Then you can stay here yourself. I've got too much on my mind right now. I'll be back in the morning."

James held his mother's hand for the hour or so they had to wait until the attorney came walking through the door. They both stood quickly, hoping for some type of good news.

"Ok. His arraignment is set for tomorrow morning at 10 AM. Now I'm sure you want to hear his side of the story. Let me go over that briefly with you before I leave to go prepare. Lets have a seat."

Lydia gaped in horror as she heard Matt's account of what happened in greater detail than James was able to provide. Rape. Murder. Words that she never thought she'd hear in relation to her own family. It seemed all just too unreal.

"Mom would you like to stay over my house tonight? It's close by and we can get here quickly in the morning. I think we all need some rest." James said.

"I suppose. Not like I'll be able to sleep anyway, with my son locked up in there with god knows who."

"Well I just hope your husband will be able to post bail in the morning, because if not, Matt's being transferred to Rikers Island."

Both James and Lydia turned pale. There's no way a boy like Matt would survive in a place like that.


	9. Despair

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry for the long gap between updates. I've been having a lot of trouble sitting myself down and writing lately. I've been a bit distracted by other things in my life and I'm also a bit uninspired lately when it comes to writing. Maybe, just maybe it's because I've all but stopped getting reviews. Believe me they help. So if you like this chapter, drop me a few words. It makes my day.

So Let Yourself Down Tonight- Chapter 9- "Despair"

"Good evening your Honor, I need a bail set on a suspect 20 year old Matt Jeevas, one count of murder in the first degree, one count of attempted murder, two counts exhibiting extreme indifference for human life. two counts aggravated assault, one count possession of a weapon not appropriate for lawful use. Victim one is in critical condition; Victim two was DOA, no priors on the suspect it looks like his family may make bail.."

Matt had the complexion of a ghost as he stood next to his attorney at the defendant's table. Each word coming out of the prosecutor's mouth swirling and echoing around him. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. The initial shock was long over with, and as the blood drained from his face leaving his lips nearly blue, he had to steady himself against the table for fear of passing out. His handcuffed hands were in front of him, the cold steel digging into his bony wrists for what seemed like eternity at this point. The weight, the sheer weight of them threatened to bring him down to the ground.

His family was sitting behind him behind the divider. His heart sunk as he locked eyes on his mother's pained expression as he was lead into the courtroom earlier, shuffling along with his feet bound by another set of cuffs around his ankles. This was a horrible feeling. He even felt guilty, and he knew that he had nearly no hope left. His only hope was Near resurfacing from whatever hell he was trapped in, but it seemed unlikely at this point. Anecdotes of people who remain comatose for 10 years or more flashed through his mind. It almost made him sick to think of Near that way, festering in a hospital bed for an eternity as his body withers and atrophies. The thought made him sick but he hoped someone would be decent enough to put him out of his misery one day.

As the prosecutor's words continued to warble against his ears, he thought of Near's angelic form. How he longed to hold him in his arms once again, to press his nose against the fluffy locks of his hair and breathe him in. The sound of his voice was the most beautiful sound he could ever hear and all he had now were memories, sweet memories. Memories that would fade, and mutate, and distort. How long would he be imprisoned? He wondered if 30 years went by if he would remember Near for who he was, or would the daily prison rape and violence flush out whatever he had left until he was just a shell of his former self reflected in an aged and beaten visage. It was at this point that he was glad he killed Mello. The bastard deserved it. He deserved to die.

"How would the defendant like to plead." The Judge said, snapping Matt out of his daze.

"Not guilty, Your Honor." Matt's attorney said.

"Very well. I'm being very generous and setting bail at $200,000. You'll be required to wear a home monitor, and will need to call in to report should you ever leave your home, which I would not suggest doing."

A loud crack filled the room as the judge banged his gavel. Matt decided to open his mouth for he first time. His voice was timid and barely audible.

"Your Honor? Can I...Can I visit Near in the hospital?" Matt asked, causing the judge to roll his eyes in exasperation

"The only time you should be near that hospital is if you're bleeding to death. The answer is no."

Matt nodded and lowered his head as an errant tear slid down his cheek.

"What were you thinking asking that?" The attorney said. Matt stayed silent.

After a short while the shackles were removed from his legs and hands, and was replaced with a heavy metal ankle bracelet, complete with the prerequisite flashing green light. He didn't care at this point, he just wanted to go home.

They drove silently to James' house, where once inside, Matt collapsed on the couch while everyone else filed inside. The living room was open to the kitchen, and Lydia fixated an eye on Matt as she boiled some water for a cup of much needed tea.

"Where do I begin Matt? Where do I even begin?" She asked.

Matt's father, Robert sat down on the chair opposite Matt staring at his son silently. He figured he'd let his wife ask all the necessary questions.

"I don't know Mom, where should you begin? What's bothering you more? That I'm gay? Or that I'm in deep fucking shit?" Matt said, rubbing his temples with his eyes closed.

Eye contact wasn't necessary to get his point across. Lydia flinched as the word 'gay' leaped from Matt's mouth. Hearing her son say it just made it that much more real. There was no more anecdotal evidence to help her hang onto whatever hope she had left, the hope that someone got the story wrong, or was misunderstood. He admits it.

"I'm not ready to hear that word!" She shouted, dropping a teaspoon against the cup's saucer loudly.

"I guess that answers my question. The fact that I like guys has you more bothered than the fact that I took someone's life. Excellent."

"You know you should show us some more respect son! Do you have any idea how much I just had to spend to get you out of there?" Robert Jeevas bellowed.

"Then you should've just let me rot there if you're not willing to support me! I cant help it! I am who I am! I'm in love..." The pain overwhelmed him faster than he could stop it. He didn't want too look weak, to look helpless, but he couldn't hold it. His eyes burned as the tears poured from them, his voice quaked and wavered as he struggled to get the words out without losing himself completely, "I'm in love with Near, who's lying there in a hospital all alone, with nobody there to speak to his soul. To try and bring him back. I just want him back!!"

The emotion became too much for him to bear as he doubled over, sobbing openly and loudly. He felt a warm hand on one of his quivering shoulders.

"I've seen him Matt. I visited him last night." James said. Matt lifted his head and looked at his brother with pleading eyes.

"James! That's where you went last night? I cant believe you." Lydia said.

"Mother! Be quiet!" James barked, he lowered his voice again as he spoke soothingly to his brother, "I saw him Matt. The nurse said that he's physically healthy but his mind isn't ready to come out of this yet. His brain functions seem to be good. I sat there with him and held his hand and talked to him. I told him how much you love him and how much you miss him and how much you need him right now."

"T-Thank you." Matt said in between sobs.

James was afraid to fill his mind with false hope, but he just wanted to ease his brother's pain at the moment.

"and while I was taking to him, he seemed to be responding to it. At one point he seemed to squeeze my hand and I thought he made some sort of sound... like he stirred a little..."

Matt's crying became even harder now that the pain was mixed with some relief. The two emotions battling within his head further confusing him.

"Ok enough of this. Do you realize you're going to be going on trial? Why don't we focus on that right now?" Robert Jeevas said. Matt no longer felt like arguing as he was emotionally weakened. He conceded, and after taking a deep breath that he held in for an extremely long time, stopped crying, "This doesn't look good for you. You entered that apartment with that mag-light, the same one I bought you. I bought it for you to keep in your car in case you got a flat tire at night, not to bludgeon someone to death with!"

"I never intended for this to happen. I knew Mello was violent, and when I couldn't get through to Near I went there out of instinct. I had a feeling something was wrong. I grabbed the flashlight at the last second. I didn't think I'd actually have to use it! But when I walked in there and I saw..." His voice choked again. His eyes were burning. He swallowed hard and continued, "I hit him once. I thought I just knocked him unconscious, and then while I was checking on Near he turned on me. He was strangling me. I couldn't breathe, so I hit him again. I didn't mean to kill him."

"The police report said his face was badly beaten. That doesn't happen from being hit once or twice."

There was a long pause as Matt replayed the scene over in his head again. He rubbed his bruised knuckles unconsciously, remembering every anger filled punch he landed. He felt the bile start to rise up in his stomach.

"And what would you have done if you walked in and found someone raping Mom? How would you have reacted? What would you have done to them?" Matt said.

His father stayed silent. Point taken.

"Lets go home Lydia." Robert said, standing up and putting his jacket on.

"I'm going to stay here tonight, Robert." She said.

Her husband rolled his eyes and walked across the living room, taking a moment to glare at Matt as he passed. Matt wasn't sure if it was a look of hatred or of frustration. Regardless of the intention it burned Matt to his very core. He needed his family the most right now, and while his brother was 100% supportive of him, it wasn't enough. He needed everyone behind him to help him through the darkness.

Matt's stomach growled slightly as the digital clock on the cable box ticked over to 1:30, he hadn't eaten since the night before, and he had hardly touched the slop they served him in jail.

"I'll order a pizza." James said, removing his hands from Matt's shoulder and striding into the next room.

Lydia carried her cup of tea over to the seat where her husband was sitting earlier and sat down, clasping the warm cup with both hands.

"So how long have you been.... like this?" She said.

Matt scoffed, he couldn't believe she wanted to do this now, not even give him a mental break before she judged him and made him feel even worse than he already did.

"You're trying to upset me." Matt said.

"I'm not trying to upset you, I just want to understand my son. I want to know what started this act of rebellion."

"Act of rebellion? I'm gay mom! GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!! Get fucking used to the word! I always have been! Always!"

Lydia recoiled and winced again every single time the word 'gay' hit her like a shot from a bb gun.

"What did we do to you to cause this? Was I too overbearing? Is it your father? Did he spend too much time at work?"

"It has nothing to do with you! I...Just...Am... and that's all there is to it."

"No that's not all there is to it! I want to know why! I want to know why all the hopes and dreams I've had for you are now gone!"

"Those are your hopes and dreams! Not mine! This isn't about you anyway....You know, this is exactly how I thought you would react, and that's why I never told you sooner. I never wanted to tell you at all."

"Well we as your parents have a right to know. You should've told us."

"When? It's not like it happened overnight. It's not like 'oh shit, guess what happened to me yesterday, I turned gay.' It doesn't work that way. I had to struggle with it myself for a little while. You know what? It's not even worth having this conversation with your right now. Go educate yourself a little bit on the matter first and then we can talk."

"Fine. Maybe now isn't the right time for this, but one more thing and I'll leave you alone for now. This Near boy, is he really worth all this trouble?"

Matt looked up from his lap and stared seriously at his mother's face.

"He is worth everything to me. I cant even express how happy he makes me and how much I love him. One day I hope you will come to understand that, that is if he makes it out of this ordeal alive." Matt said, his eyes silently welling up with tears again as he finished the sentence. He laid down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, "Conversation's over. Leave me alone now."

Lydia didn't feel it necessary to respond, she just got up from her seat and strode back into the kitchen, where she quietly wept into her palms. Matt didn't even look the same to her anymore.

The doorbell rang. Matt wasn't about to get up from the couch unless it rang a second time, but James was at the door before it happened. James paid for the pizza and carried the steaming box to the kitchen. Matt didn't move, as hungry as he was. He just wanted to sleep. It was the only escape he had right now.

James brought him a slice of pizza on a paper plate, placing it on the coffee table in front of Matt.

"C'mon man, eat something."

Matt sat up and looked at his brother, his eyes still red and puffy.

"Thank you." Matt said.

"Let me know if you want another one."

"No. Thank you for everything. Thank you for being the only one who's there for me. I don't think I could've survived this far without you. I love you, James."

James sat down next to his brother and put his arm around him.

"I love you too brother. I'll always be there for you. You're my best friend in the whole world. Don't worry too much about Mom and Dad. They'll come around. You know Mom likes to put on a show."

Matt nodded before bending over the coffee table and taking a small nibble from the slice. James had gotten up and gone back inside. He ate about half of the slice before deciding he didn't want anymore. He could hear his brother talking with his mother in the other room, and while he couldn't quite make out what they were saying, he could hear the upset tone and pitch in her voice. He didn't want to deal with it anymore so he decided to go to his apartment downstairs and crash out on his bed, hopefully not to wake up until it was all over.


	10. In trade for your life

Chapter 10- "In trade for your life"

_Breathe..._

_In..... Out..._

_Listen to every beat of your heart. Savor every moment. Listen to the light rattle sound of the vents as the heat kicks on. Pay attention to the creaking noise of the ceiling as your brother walks around. Feel the coolness of the sheets on your body. Look around at all your belongings. Touch them, memorize every texture. Savor every last second of it. Because it's all gone from this day forward. You will leave yourself here. A soul no longer with a body, as you move on into a dark realm. Daily beatings, rape, torture. Drugs, violence, murder. This is you. And there's no place for the comforts of family, or familiarity, or Near. Alone....._

"Matt! Come upstairs dear. It's time. We have to leave soon." Lydia's voice called out from upstairs.

Snapped out of this thoughts, Matt rose slowly clad in a black pinstriped suit and a dark red tie. He hadn't worn it for years, the last time being at a distant cousin's wedding. His mother always told him how handsome he looked wearing it though. Too bad it wasn't a happy occasion, he thought.

He ascended the staircase to the rest of the house where his Mother, Father, and Brother were waiting, donning their own suits. It was like attending his own funeral, he thought.

_One week earlier_

"The prosecutor would like to make you a deal. He knows just as well as I do that you'll be slaughtered if this goes to trial..." The family attorney said,

Matt's jaw just slackened. _That's it? You're giving up?_

"Matt this is a good thing, at least it's the best thing you've got coming to you. 10 years total at an upstate facility. Parole at 5 with good behavior."

"10 years..... 10 years of my life? If I say that I did this? If I tell them that I hurt Near and murdered that inhuman piece of shit out of jealousy? Fuck this!" Matt said. His face was flushed, and he was breathing quickly, nearly hyperventilating.

"You could be looking at 30 to life if this goes to trial. 10 years is a blessing. We're talking about premeditated murder, not even to mention your other charges."

Matt punched the desk, grasping at his hair as his face scrunched up. Tears flowed gently down his cheeks. He took one deep breath to get control over himself.

"Fine, I'll take it. I don't fucking care anymore. I'm screwed no matter how you look at it."

"You'll survive. The time will go by like nothing." The attorney said, not even making eye contact as he shoved paper back into his attache. Matt slapped his hand down on the table once again, making the lawyer's attention snap back to Matt.

"You do realize that I'm only 19 years old right? 10 years is more than half of my life. That is an absolute fucking eternity to me. So try not to act so callous."

That was it. 10 years decided in 5 minutes, and now he stood here in front of his family, ready to be handed over to wolves.

The drive to the courthouse was uncomfortable, only made worse by his mother's contrived attempt at happy, unrelated conversation about something she was watching on Oprah the other day. Matt wished she would just keep her mouth shut instead, or at least cry and scream.

"I'm going to go park the car." James said as Matt and his parents filed out of the car onto the street.

Matt ascended each of the courthouse stairs slowly and literally, paying attention to the texture of the grit under his shoes, feeling every sensation he could while he's still a free man. Once inside he was taken into custody and placed in a room with his attorney. Shortly thereafter the prosecutor entered.

"So you understand what's going to happen here, correct? Your attorney has explained everything to you?" He said.

Matt nodded. He just wanted this over with. Some more things were discussed while he waited there in that room, awash with harsh fluorescent lighting making his skin look yellow, almost greenish. He wasn't paying much attention anyway, it didn't really matter any more. He was going to do what was asked of him and hope for mercy.

"Ok it's time."

After what seemed like over an hour Matt was led into the courtroom and took his place at the defendants table.

"It's been brought to my attention that instead of proceeding with a trial the defendant would like to change his plea. Is this true?"

"Yes your honor." Matt's attorney said.

"Very well, how is the defendant going to plead?"

Just then Lydia screamed out, startling at least a few people, least of which the judge.

"Stop!!!! Stop everything!!! Near's awake!" Lydia exclaimed, her eyes wide as she stared down at her cell phone.

Matt thought he was going to collapse right there on the spot. Overwhelmed with emotion and relief he felt the tears spring from his eyes, rolling down his face and under his chin, soaking into the collar of his shirt.

"Order! Ma'am if you don't settle down you'll find yourself in contempt!" The judge bellowed.

"Your honor, may I approach the bench?" The attorney said.

Both him and the prosecutor spoke quietly and closely to the judge while Matt stood there with red eyes and a hopeful smile on his face.

_He's ok. My baby's ok. He's going to save me._

James couldn't believe his eyes as he approached the doorway. A swarm of doctors and nurses hovering over Near, commenting back and forth things that only each other could understand. His heart raced as he feared the worst, that Near had gone critical and was losing the struggle for his life. He stood on his tiptoes to see over one of their shoulders and gasped when he saw open blue eyes. They shifted around nervously instead of catatonic. Near was awake.

"Where am I?" Near whispered. His throat felt like a desert, and it required real effort to push the air through his restricted vocal cords.

"You're in Kings County hospital, you've been in a coma for nearly a month." A nurse said.

"Wha..What? Matt. Where's Matt?" Near asked.

They looked at each other nervously. Apparently they weren't oblivious to what was going on.

"I'm Matt's brother." James said.

Near fixed his eyes in James' direction, squinting slightly to gain focus on the unknown person in front of him. James stepped closer. The medical staff quieted down a bit and moved to the side to make room. James placed his hands on the side railing of Near's bed.

"Wh..What happened?" Near asked.

"You don't remember a thing do you?" James said.

Near glanced around at the various people doting over him.

"Can I perhaps have a few moments to talk in private? I feel fine, really."They reluctantly cleared the room, promising to be back in 5 short minutes. Near started to become familiar with his body again and was surprised at how difficult it was to move his arms and legs. He wasn't even sure if he could walk or hold himself up, "What happened to me?"

James wasn't even sure how he should explain this to Near, but he remembered there was a more pressing matter that needed to be dealt with immediately. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed his mother. No answer. Near wondered if he was trying to call Matt. James tried calling again, only to be met with the same result. He quickly tapped out a text message, and only hoped that it would be received before he had to burst into the courtroom himself.

"I'm sorry." James said, putting his phone back in his pocket, "Mello...Mello did this to you."

Near's eyes widened with shock. Fearing the worst, he started to wonder why his brother was here instead of Matt.

"Did he hurt Matt? Is he ok?"

"No, he didn't. But Matt is in a great deal of trouble right now. He may actually go to jail because of what happened when he tried to defend you." James said.

"What happened?"

"Matt killed Mello."

Near gasped at the words, covering his mouth with a shaking hand. Mello. Dead. He didn't know exactly how he felt at that moment. It didn't feel right for him to even consider mourning over him. He hated him, but he knew that he loved him at the same time. They'd been through a lot together, and that kind of attachment is hard to let go of. He didn't want him dead. He quickly shifted his thoughts to Matt, and was overwhelmed with a sense of panic.

"Why did Matt do it? I don't remember what happened! I..." Near rubbed at his temples in frustration. The heartrate monitor at his bedside indicated the panic he was feeling, "I remember packing my things. I was leaving Mello. What happened?"

"Mello caught you trying to leave. He beat you, strangled you and raped you. Matt came in while it was happening. There was a struggle. Mello tried to kill Matt, and he killed him while defending himself. It was an accident. But there were no witnesses and they think Matt was an intruder. A jealous lover of sorts."

"Where is he now?"

"At court. They're going to be sentencing him today. I hope it's not too late."

James was about to scoop Near up in his arms and carry him out of the hospital himself when a Nurse walked in.

"Mr. River? The State prosecutor's office is calling about you. They wanted to verify that you are in fact awake. Some people are going to come by and talk to you. Do you think you're up to it?"

"Yes! Of course!"

James sighed in relief. It was over.

"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. He's been through an awful lot and he needs his rest in order to recover fully."

"I don't want to rest! I want to help sort this out! I've rested for almost a month! Matt needs me right now!"

The heartrate monitor was going crazy at this point. Near appeared to having trouble catching his breath as sweat built up on his forehead and clavicle.

"What's happening?!" James said.

The nurse was at Near's side with a syringe almost instantly, and was already injecting it into the IV tube.

"He's not ready for this yet. Like I said he needs his rest. I understand the situation and what you're going through right now, but this is going to have to wait. The police aren't going to be here for another couple of hours anyway."

Near was fast asleep moments later. The frantic beeping of the monitor gradually slowed it's pace to normal. James jolted as his phone started ringing and vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly and answered.

"_James! What's going on? Near's awake?! Put him on the phone!" _Matt's excited voice called out from the other end.

"They gave him a sedative so he can rest. He's asleep right now but I was talking to him. He was asking for you."

"_He was?_..." Matt's voice started to tremble, "_James, does he know what happened?"_

"He doesn't remember much but I told him what happened. He was a bit shocked and panicked by everything Matt. That's why they sedated him. He just woke up afterall."

"_They wont let me see him. Not until this is all over. They suspended the trial until this is all sorted out. I just want this over with. I just want to see him."_

"It'll all be over soon little brother. It'll all be over soon. I'm coming back to the courthouse. I'll see you in a few."

James put the phone in his pocket and took one last look at Near's sleeping form before leaving. He pulled up in front of the courthouse to see his family standing out front, relief shining on their faces.

Matt found himself standing in the courtroom once again a long couple of days later. He was so anxious he thought he might crawl out of his own skin.

"Your honor, in light of the victim's recent statement, the state is dropping all charges against the accused." The prosecutor said.

That was it. It was finally over. The entire dragged out nightmare dismissed in a few short moments. He finally walked out of the courthouse a free man, able to start putting it all behind him and get on with his life.

The Jeevas family piled into the car with James behind the wheel.

"James, drive straight to the hospital. I refuse to wait another moment."

"You've got it. You've waited long enough."

Once the hospital elevator doors opened Matt started at a quick stride, but soon was sprinting down the corridors, leaving his family behind. He was desperate to gaze lovingly into Near's ice blue orbs, to run his hands gently on his warm pale flesh, to cradle him gently in his arms and bury his nose in his hair, whispering into his ear that it's ok. That everything was going to be ok.

He slowed as he approached the room. He didn't want to burst in dramatically if Near was sleeping. He peered around the doorway carefully. Near was awake, sitting up in bed and reading a book. Matt watched for a moment, trying to make sure he wasn't actually dreaming. Near didn't seem to notice his presence so he slowly approached, knocking gently on the open door.

Near looked in his direction after a slight delay, probably used to doctors and nurses visiting him at random times. His eyes widened and his jaw slackened as the book fell to the bed.

"Matt!!" Near shouted.

Matt ran over to him and didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around Near, kissing him gently on the neck in between words.

"I'm here baby. I missed you so much. God I missed you so much."

"I missed you too Matt. I love you. Is everything going to be ok? I haven't heard anything."

"Yes Near, everything's going to be ok. It's over. This whole horrible nightmare is over."

Matt wanted to look into his eyes again, so he withdrew slightly, holding Near at arms length, his hand placed gently on his shoulders. A stray tear strolled down Near's red tinged cheek. He could tell Near was trying to hold it back, that he didn't want to fall apart, but Matt knew they both deserved it at this point. He pulled Near close again.

"It's ok Near, let it out," Matt said, his own voice quivering, "Let it all out. I'm here."

Both of them openly broke out into sobs, holding each other tightly. Matt positioned himself on the end of the bed to bring himself down to Near's level, to make it easier to reach each other. He ran his hand on the back of Near's head, feeling the silken strands of snow white hair between his fingers as the tears flowed between them, running down each other's necks.

The sobs ramped down to quiet whimpers and then to the occasional sigh. Matt removed his head from the crook of Near's neck and locked eyes with him before gently pressing their lips together. It was the most incredible kiss they'd ever shared as far as he known. He waited it for what felt like an eternity, and it was something he wasn't sure if he'd ever get to experience again.

"Oh dear." Matt heard his mother's voice behind him.

He didn't pull away quickly though. He finished with another few short pecks on Near's soft pink lips before pulling away and turning his head to face his family which was standing in the doorway. His father had an uncomfortable expression on his face as he stared down at the ground, trying to unsee what he just saw.

"Mom, this is Near."

"Hi." She said dryly.

Her not so warm introduction was to be expected. It didn't concern Matt however, he knew she would have to get used to him one way or the other.

"When can you go home Near?" James asked.

"Home?" Near asked.

"Yes, home with us. It's your home now," He replied. Lydia looked downwards and placed her fingers to her forehead, pretending to massage an imaginary headache, "It's my house Mother and Near is welcome in it."

"Thank you." Near said.

"Besides you'll be staying in Matt's apartment anyway." James continued.

"What about my things? Are they still in the apartment....Mello's apartment?" Near asked, not wanting to hear him say Mello's name out loud.

"Me and James will go there and get everything."

"Thanks. I don't want to ever see that place again."

Truth be told, Matt didn't want to either, but he would do anything for Near, and grabbing whatever little belongings he had was the least he could do.

"So when can we take you out of here?"

"I'll page the nurse. They say I'm almost back to normal, so hopefully they'll be willing to let me leave. I'm just a little weak from laying here for over a month."

"I'm so sorry this happened to you." Matt said pulling Near into another hug.

Later that night....

Matt fumbled with the key to the front door of his apartment with Near hanging from his shoulder, barely able to stand on his own. Finally he got the door opened and carefully guided Near across the threshold towards the bed on the other side of the room.

"I think I can walk the last few feet." Near said, removing his arm from around Matt's neck and gently placing his weight down. Matt didn't submit that easily though and at least kept a firm grip on his hand as his legs wobbled. Near collapsed on the bed after taking the few short steps.

"The doctor said with physical therapy you should be back to normal in a few weeks."

"Yeah I know. I'm just worried what might happen if I need to use the bathroom or something while you're at work."

"Oh, well don't worry about that. I kinda lost my job during this whole fiasco. But don't worry, it wasn't anything special, I'll find another one." Matt said, removing Near's shoes and pulling the covers over him, tucking them around his tiny frame for added warmth, "You tired?" Matt asked.

"Yeah a little." Near said while yawning.

"Get some rest then, I'm going to go upstairs and talk with my family for a little while."

"Ok." Near said sleepily, but grabbed Matt's sleeve before he started to walk away, "Matt, thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for going through all of this. I don't know how I could ever repay you."

"You can repay me by getting better and continue being the wonderful boy I fell in love with. Now get some rest. I'll be back in bed with you in a little while."

Near nodded and closed his eyes, knowing he was someplace safe and his protector was with him. Nothing could have put him more at peace than that.

Matt went upstairs to his brother's part of the house, where he could already hear the beginnings of an argument.

"...if that's what Matt want's then I'm fine with it. He's an adult, Mom. If he want's Near to live here with him then that's up to him." James said.

"I just don't think it's appropriate. It's not as if they've been going out for that long anyway. What if Matt meets a nice girl next week?" Lydia replied.

"You're retarded...." James said in exasperation, driving a look of shock onto his mother's face.

"Near isn't going anywhere, he's staying. I'm not going to meet a girl next week, Mom. Stop being delusional. This is the way things are so you'll just have to deal." Matt said, entering the kitchen.

"How is he?" James asked.

"He's sleeping right now. He's exhausted. Physical therapy starts tomorrow so he needs his rest, just walking from the car into his bed took the life out of him. I hate seeing him like this. He's lost weight too. He looks unhealthy."

"He'll get better soon Matt. Don't worry. Hey Mom, why don't you make your famous split-pea and ham soup? That's sure to help nurse little Near back to health. I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture." James said.

Lydia shifted her eyes around nervously. The compliment was difficult to resist. It almost seemed like a challenge. She sighed in defeat.

"Well you'll have to take me shopping to buy the ingredients."

James nodded and then grabbed his keys.

"Ok, lets go then while it's still light out. We should have everything done hopefully by dinner time. We'll make it into a family dinner."

Lydia left the house with her other son, leaving Matt with his father who was sitting silently on the sofa looking pensively at the opposite wall.

"Dad?"

"I don't wish to talk about it right now."

"Well it needs to be dealt with one way or the other."

"I don't like him Matt. I don't like any of this. This isn't the son that I raised."

"At least know him well enough to hate him first, and this IS the son you raised. You're going to have to accept that."

"He's weak. He's going to depend on you. He doesn't have any.... any guts." Robert Jeevas said, holding his fists to his chest to put emphasis on his remark.

"You're not seeing him at his best Dad. Besides, would you prefer I was with someone really manly and dominant? Would that somehow make you feel better?"

The unease in Robert's eyes could be seen from 100 miles away with that last statement. The mental image flashing before his eyes disgusted him.

"Like I said, I don't wish to talk about it right now."

"Because you don't know what you're talking about. You're going to have to adjust to this if you want this family to stay together." Matt said. He was was rebuked with nothing but silence. Good, let it sink in, he thought, "Listen I'm going to go downstairs and take a nap, make sure Mom wakes us up before dinner."

_"Us", he says. _Robert thought.

Matt tiptoed down the stairs quietly, almost ninja like, not wanting to wake Near. He paused for a second to listen to the deep, sleep filled breaths that filled the room. Satisfied that he didn't disturb his lover he quietly slipped his pants off and creeped into the bed. Near was nearly hot to the touch, his small body throwing off incredible amounts of heat. Matt pressed his body against his gently, his bare legs and torso feeling the warmth that he craved for what seemed like an eternity. His genitals already started to respond to the sensation, but he resisted, knowing Near certainly wasn't up to it. He just wanted to touch him, to feel Near's creamy smooth skin on his fingertips. He slipped his hand under Near's shirt and rested his palm on his stomach. It was a tactile delight as he slowly slid his palm upwards to his chest. His body felt amazing. Near whimpered unconsciously at the sensation, but Matt resisted going any further. He just kept his hand there as he lowered his head down onto the pillow, allowing his own exhaustion to overcome him in a few short minutes.

A couple of hours later Matt awoke to a bright light shining into his room. Someone had opened the door upstairs.

"Hey Matt." James said.

"Shhhh.... He's still sleeping."

"Oh, sorry. Mom's requesting your help setting the table. I told her I'd do it but she wanted you to come."

"What the fuck.... Ok I'll be there in a minute." Matt replied, slowly withdrawing himself from Near's body and putting his pants on before climbing the stairs.

"What's up mom?" Matt asked, shielding his eyes from the bright lights in the room.

"Oh I was wondering you could set the table in the dining room, Dear. Your brother's busy helping me with the cooking."

Matt nodded and went to the cabinet to pull a stack of bowls from one of the shelves, carrying them into the dining room. While he was busy, Lydia slipped out of view and downstairs into Matt's apartment.

She approached quietly, but wasn't quite as careful as Matt had been. Once she reached Near's bedside, she gently shook his shoulder until he began to stir, making irresistibly cute whimpering noises as he regained consciousness.

"Huh?" He asked groggily.

"We're having dinner shortly, but I wanted to talk to you privately beforehand."

Near rubbed his face with his palm, and then looked upwards at Lydia, awaiting her next statement. His intense blue eyes were practically glowing in the near darkness, something that didn't go unnoticed by her.

"I'm accepting the fact that you're a part of Matt's life, and therefore a part of ours, but I'm warning you right now that if you hurt Matt I'll cut your balls off myself."

Near was a little shocked but the sheer brutality of the statement, but didn't let it affect him for too long. It was obvious there was more love for her son than sheer malice behind the statement.

"If I ever hurt him. I'll cut them off myself." Near replied.

Lydia nodded, satisfied with what she had heard, if not a bit amused.

"Do you need some help getting upstairs?" She asked, extending a hand.

Near nodded, pulling the blanket off of him and extending his hand.

"Mom how much longer is the soup going to be? Mom?" Matt asked, looking around the kitchen where he expected his mother to be. He was incredibly surprised to find her emerging from the doorway that leads to his apartment with Near slung around her. Near looked at Matt with an expression that said "Don't ask me. I have no idea."

She led Near into the dining room and sat him down at the table.

"Thank you." Near said.

Matt decided not to say anything. He was more than elated at this point to see his mother at least start accepting Near. He knew that his father wouldn't be long behind since he usually eventually went along with whatever his Mom was doing.

Soon thereafter everyone sat down at the table, while James served the delicious and hearty soup to everyone. Near couldn't help but smile. The feeling of being part of a family, even though one couldn't call him part of the family just yet, felt amazing to him. It gave him hope for the future. A future with Matt by his side, the only one in the world that mattered to him. If they could survive what they just went though, they could survive anything.

A/N:

Sorry this update took so long. Truth is, I've kinda sorta lost inspiration for this story and finishing it seemed more like a chore than anything else. So if this latest installment sucks, I really am sorry. I've already started a new one, and I'm kinda excited to keep going with it but I needed to finish this one first. There _might_ be an epilogue to this story so I'm keeping it as 'in progress' for now. It'll probably be short if anything. Thanks for all the reviews though. That's part of the reason that got me to sit my ass down in front of the computer and keep writing it, even though it may not be all that great. I just wasn't feeling it anymore for some reason.


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